


football team, loved more than just the game

by ellethebelle



Series: what you do to me [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Castiel in Panties, Dean in Denial, F/F, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-05-25 09:42:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 21,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6189586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellethebelle/pseuds/ellethebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Dean learns that loving Cas is a big game of 'if you love me let me go'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part 1

  **Cas** tell coach i can't go to football practice today, one of my moms is sick and i'm taking care of her

 **DW**  aw man, we need our star linebacker

 **DW**  we have a game tomorrow

 **DW**  wait a minute

 **DW**  momS ? as in plural ?

 **Cas**  ... yeah

 **DW**  cool

 **Cas**  you're not freaked out by it ?

 **DW**  considering what we're doing, i shouldn't be

 **Cas**  *rolling eyes*

 **DW**  i'll meet you in the locker room tomorrow before the game

 **DW**  you know, to help you *loosen your nerves*

 **Cas**  wow, what the charmer you are

 **DW**  ;)

*

"Cas ! I asked you for that pillow ten minutes ago !" Ellen yelled, causing Cas to jump.

"Coming mom !" he replied, grabbing a random pillow from the couch he was sitting on and running off in the direction of his moms' room.

"What took you so long boy ?" she asked, grabbing the pillow from his hand.

"I- There was a text- I didn't mean to-" he stuttered, burning red at her smirking face.

"Who is it ? Are they nice ? Are they in our neighborhood ? Do they go to your school ? Who is it ?"

She shot the questions faster than he could answer. "Dean Winchester." he whispered, his face mantling even more.

"Ooh, my baby has a crush ! Isn't he on your football team ? Do you think you'll get him ?" He shook his head.

"No, we're just kind of, you know. A thing. Just a hoo-" He buried his face in his hands. He couldn't say the word hookup in front of his _mom_. But apparently, she could say it in front of her son.

"You're in a hookup relationship with a _Winchester_ ? Just make sure you're being safe honey, all right ? And I don't want you getting hurt. I can't judge Dean, but John has had a few... choice words for your mama and I."

He nodded, standing up and leaving the room. He couldn't believe he'd just had a conversation like that with his mother. "Honey, just one more thing." Ellen called, drawing Castiel back into the doorway of her room. "Are you a top or a bottom ?" she asked, a wry smile on her face.

"MOM !"


	2. part 1, chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean helps Cas loosen his nerves before the first big game of the season. AKA, smut.

**DW** dude

 **Cas** what ?

 **DW** where are you ? the game starts in half an hour

 **Cas** i had to walk, my moms' car broke down

 **DW** well, when will you be here ?

*

A tap on his shoulder answered his question.

"Are you ready for the big game ?" Cas asked, shrugging off his jeans and his denim button up shirt. He opened his locker, pulling out his pants from the bottom and his jersey from the hook at the top. He felt Dean's eyes on him as he bent down, bringing a smirk to his face.

"Like what you see ?" he asked, turning around. Dean burned bright red, dropping his gaze down to Castiel's lips. Cas ghosted his lips against Dean's neck, making him shiver.

"We only have twenty minutes, make it quick," he stated, rubbing himself against Dean. Dean groaned, dropping his head back against the lockers. Cas smirked against his neck. Cas ground himself harder against Dean again, drawing out a loud moan. Cas covered his mouth with his hand, cutting off the noise. Everyone had gone out to the field, but he couldn't risk them hearing the noise from the echoing locker room. Cas sucked a mark onto Dean's collarbone, mouthing his way up to behind his ear. When he hit a pulse point, Dean picked him up and sat down on the bench. Cas was straddling his hips, and began to rut against Dean. Cas cut off his moans by sucking into Dean's neck again, breathing hard. Dean gripped his hips tighter, slipping his hands under Castiel's shirt to brush against his nipples; making him shiver.

"Cas," he whined into Castiel's neck, warning him that he was close. His hips jerked up against Cas', making him see white. He released with a long groan of Dean's name, biting his collarbone. Dean followed soon after, squeezing Cas' hips hard enough to leave bruises.

*

"Hey ! Where the _hell_ have you boys been ?" Coach Bobby asked.

"Um, Cas' car broke down so, uh, I had to pick him up." Dean stammered, avoiding Bobby's suspicious gaze. Not only was Bobby his coach, he was also his father's best friend. Bobby looked to Castiel for confirmation, only getting a nod and a stammered, "He's right." The coach just rolled his eyes.

"I don't have time for this. You idjits go on to the field." he grumbled, smacking them each lightly upside the head with his clipboard. Cas and Dean sat on the bench next to the rest of the players, faces flushing red.

"Whoa !" Cas' head snapped up at the sound of Alastair's voice.

"What ?" he quipped, squinting his eyes and tilting his head in confusion.

"I wasn't talking to you, Novak. I was talking to Dean. He has a little ... something on his neck." he snickered, nudging Crowley.

"Oh, those." Dean sputtered, eyes flickering over to Cas. "Who's the lucky lady ?" Alastair smirked, seeming to enjoy watching Dean smirk. "Um, I ... I don't feel like telling you." Dean tried, avoiding Alastair's stare.

"Spit it _out_ , Winchester." Dean quickly scans the group of cheerleaders about fifty feet away, who notice him looking and giggle wildly.

"It was ... Lisa. Lisa Braedan." he admitted, still not looking Alastair in the eye. But when Cas looks over, there's a look of twisted curiosity and mischief in Alastair's eyes that makes him feel sick.

*

"Alright team, first game of the season. We gotta make this count. Because this year, the Lawrence Wendigos will make it to state finals. Ya hear ?" The team nods in response, and Castiel can feel the first sparks of game adrenaline igniting his skin. Or maybe it's the way that Dean's staring at him, like he wants to take him, right then and there on the field.

"On three, Wendigos. One, two, three !"

"Wendigos !"

Let the games begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos welcome :)
> 
> visit me on tumblr at mychemicalpityparty.tumblr.com


	3. part 1, chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i said i'd post whenever ideas came to me but the ideas have just been flowing, because now i actually *dream* Destiel dreams. i don't know whether to be concerned or delighted.

**DW**  do you need some halftime encouragement ?

 **Cas**  meet me in the locker room ;)

 

*

After halftime, Cas played harder than in the first half. The Wendigos were losing, and as Dean had said before, it was important for the team to get a good start in order to make it to the championship game. There were two minutes left, and Dean was moving quickly towards the end zone. "Wen-di-gos ! Wen-di-gos !" A loud roar started to rise from the crowd, spurring the team on. Cas snuck a look at the clock. Twenty seconds left. "Cas ! Cover me !" Dean yelled, dodging the players that were coming his way. Castiel covered him, throwing any bodies that ran at Dean to the ground. The clock hit zero, just as Dean hit the touchdown zone, and the roar from the crowd became louder. "Win-che-ster ! Win-che-ster !" The cry that rang out from the crowd made Dean beam, his cheeks still flushed from adrenaline. "Hey ! Novak ! Over here !" A female voice called in from the crowd, confusing Castiel and making him spin in circles to look for the person it came from.  "I'm over here, silly !" the voice piped up from behind him. He whipped around, nearly whacking the girl in the face.

"I'm _so_ sorry ! I didn't see you there." he apologized, scanning her face for any signs of injury. She was petite with wavy auburn hair that kissed her shoulders, and her warm brown eyes looked up at Cas.

"I'm Meg, by the way." she introduced. He stared silently into her eyes, captivated by her beauty. She smiled shyly, toeing the ground.

"Do you- I mean, can you- Um, would you like to go to the afterparty with me ?" Cas mumbled, blushing. She looked up, her eyes lit with excitement and happiness. She nodded, giggling.

"Shall we ?" He took her hand in his, but just as their fingers were about to interlace, he felt a smack on his butt.

"Great work out there, bud ! Thanks for totally covering me !" Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean. What was he doing ? Meg looked between the two of them, before she broke out into a smile.

"Oh. Oh ! You two are together, aren't you ?" she squealed, shaking her pom-poms. Castiel's eyes widened.

"Whaaat ? No, y-you must be mistaken. Deanie- I mean, Dean here is just my friend, my teammate, my _pal_ , _right_ , Dean ?" Dean just smirked at him, amused at his floundering.

"Yeah, just pals." he deadpanned, still smirking at Cas.

"Aww, you guys are so cute together. I can't believe that the two star players are together ! I've got to tell Coach Ellen and Bobby !" This time, it was Dean's eyes that widened.

"What ? No, you can't do that. Nope, because ... because Coach Bobby's ... busy. Very busy, right Castiel ? Right, very busy." he rushed, stepping in front of her to block her path.

"Chill Winchester, I was just tossing with you. Unless you're actually together." she smirked, nodding ever-so-slightly in the direction of Dean's hand, which Cas hadn't noticed was still around his waist. Dean's arm unwinded from around Cas' waist so fast, it was like Cas had bitten him.

"Don't worry guys, I won't tell anyone." Meg whispered, winking at them as she walked away. Cas' eyes trailed over her hips as she disappeared into the crowd.

"Dude, what was that ? You totally stopped me from getting a good lay." he whined, considering going back into the crowd to search for her.

"No, I stopped you from getting an STD. Which is something _I_ don't want to catch from _you_." Dean said. "Now, you said something about a party."


	4. part 1, chapter 3

**Cas**  where'd you go ? you know i don't like going to parties alone

 **DW**  i went out to the car, i forgot to lock her up. i'll meet you at the front in like two minutes though

 **Cas** k, i'll be at the front waiting

*

"Hey." Dean wheezed, out of breath.

"Hey. Why're you so out of breath ?" he asked. Dean held up a hand, doubled over in an effort to try to breathe normally again.

"I was locking Baby up, when- give me a moment. When she started rolling down the street, and I had to run after her to catch her. The parking brakes need to be fixed, but I don't feel like going to the auto shop." He smiled, chest still heaving.

"Well, I'll remind Sam to tell you to tomorrow." Cas said, dragging Dean to the dance floor. "For now, let's just dance."

*

The music was loud, so loud. To have a conversation with someone, you'd have to be speaking directly into their ear. Cas started grinding against Dean, moving his hips in time with the music. Dean groaned loud enough to be heard above the crowd, gripping Castiel's hips tight and pushing them flush against his own. Cas doesn't know how many drinks they'd both had at this point, though he knew it had to be quite the number.

"God, Cas. You make me want to take you right here. Bend you over and fuck you right here, on that table." Dean whispered in Cas' ear, making him shiver.

"Let's take this somewhere else, shall we ?" Dean nodded, tightening his grip on Cas' wrist and dragging him through the crowd. They ended up in a spare bedroom, pressed up against the door as soon as it shut. Cas trailed kisses down Dean's throat, making the marks from earlier darker. Dean moaned, throwing his head back and gripping Cas' ass. When he got to the hem of his shirt, he yanked at it, impatient. Dean slid it over his head, exposing his toned stomach (and Cas _might've_ drooled, but don't tell anyone). Cas continued his work, pushing Dean down to the bed and mouthing his way towards the thin happy trail ending under Dean's belt.

"Cas, hurry up. I'm going to explode if you don't do something," he complained, canting his hips in the direction of Cas' mouth.

"Well, I'd just lick it all up." Cas said, holding Dean's hips down. He struggled to remove Dean's pants, throwing them off somewhere into the room. Dean's lips let out whimpers when the cool air hit his hard dick, Cas nuzzling it wanting to draw more of the noises out of Dean.

"You're clean, right ?" he asked. Dean nodded eagerly, waiting for Castiel's mouth on him. He took it all down in one go, slowly sinking his warm heat down onto Dean.

"Cas, oh my- ah, that's g-good." Dean moaned, loud enough to be heard over the thumping bass of the party music down the hall. Cas bobbed his head up and down, moving until his nose touched Dean's happy trail. His tongue lapped at the head, leaving Cas wanting more of Dean's salty taste. He moaned, and he felt fingers move to entangle in his hair. Dean tugged at his hair, pulling him up and down. Cas let his throat relax, moaning more at the feeling of being used. Dean jerked at his hair, trying to warn him. "Cas, I'm s-so close. Ah, Cas, Cascascas, Cas !" He felt Dean's release warm down his throat, triggering his own orgasm.

"How was that ?" he asked, slipping into the bed next to Dean. He pulled his boxers back on, before flopping onto the bed next to Cas.

"That was so good, babe." he yawned, pulling Cas to his side. Somewhere in sober Castiel's brain, warning bells went off. Many. But Cas wasn't sober right now. Dean stroked his hair and spoke nonsensically about all the things he'd seen when he went on a road trip with his dad and brother the past summer, lulling them both to sleep. They were both already too deep into their dreams of each other to notice a camera flash at the door opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me at mychemicalpityparty on tumblr. comments and kudos welcome ! also, i don't mind if you point out any gramtical errors, i wrote this chapter in a hurry.


	5. part 1, chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets a surprise at his locker.

**Cas** where are you ? you're not at the front entrance like usual

 **DW** i'm about a half block away. baby started stalling and then she broke down. again

 **Cas** i told sam to remind you to go to the auto shop. didn't he ?

 **DW** yeah, but i just didn't get the time to. cuz i've been looking at new plays and everything, and school, and such

 **Cas** first of all, if you really care about that (ancient) car, you should take to the shop when needed. and secondly, you don't care about school, that's just an excuse

 **DW** i'll meet you at your locker in about fifteen, i met lisa on the way

*

For some reason, the thought of Dean with Lisa ignited a small fire in Cas. Why ? He didn't know. What was he going to do ? Ignore it. "Hey." Meg was leaned up against the locker next to Castiel's, twirling her hair.

"Hello." There was a tense awkward silence as Cas continued getting his books.

"So, you wanna grab lunch today ? We can go to the cafe across the street." Meg suggested, looking up at him with her deep cinnamon eyes and batting her eyelashes. It took every fiber in Cas' body to not roll his eyes.  _Not this time._

"Sorry, I'm not available." Cas replied, keeping his voice as emotionless as possible.

"You sure Cassie ? Please ?" she pleaded, sticking out her bottom lip.

"Nope, I have plans with someone else." he repeated, closing his locker and turning to leave. She caught his arm and gripped it tight, making Cas whimper slightly in pain and drop his books, which scattered across the floor. She was surprisingly strong for such a lithe girl. "Let me go ! I have to get to class."

"No." Instead, she leaned in closer. "We need to talk. You see, I like you. A lot Cassie. And I'm not going to take 'no' for an answer. Just cancel your plans with your fag boyfriend and come along with me. I'll give you a blowjob if you do." she murmured, nibbling his earlobe.

"First of all _Megan_ , no means no means no means no. And secondly, I definitely won't go out with you, I don't tolerate people that talk about my boyf- _Dean_ that way. And third, who do you think I am, you think I would really go out with you because you offer to give me a sexual favor ? You've _definitely_ got me all wrong." he stated, wrestling out of her grip.

"Well then, if that's how it's gonna be, then two can play at that game. If you want to play hard to get, I'll make you easy to catch. You see, I have this thing you might want. In fact, I'll give you a copy, an exclusive preview. If you don't ask me to prom, Novak, I'll make you regret it. Deeply. You have until, hm, May 30th."

May 30th was graduation. As the head of the cheerleading squad and the school team committee, Meg was giving a speech at the ceremony. Cas didn't want to know what she had planned.

"Here, a sneak peak. Just for kicks. Anyway, gotta blast !" She bounced away, leaving a terrified Cas in her wake. He took a shaky deep breath before looking down at the small square of paper she'd placed in his arms. He blanched. It was a picture, titled and dated, of Dean and Cas lying together in the bed after Charlie's party.

*

Five periods later, Cas was still on the brink of a panic attack. Was Meg actually planning to stick to her threat ? What would she do with the picture ? Did she have more ? The thoughts racing through his head made him dizzy, and he couldn't breathe. But what scared him the most, was what Dean would think. Would he want to stop their ... thing ? Would he never speak to Cas again ? Would he tell everybody ? The _what if_ s were still running through Cas' head by the time lunch came around, making it hard to think. He walked over to the cafe, sitting in a booth and bouncing his leg nervously as he waited for Dean. "Boo !" Dean shouted, making Cas scream. "Dude, what's wrong ? It's just me." Dean sat down in the booth next to Cas, their legs touching. He frowned when he felt how shaky Cas was. "What's the matter ? Are you finally gonna grow a pair and ask someone out ?" he teased, nudging his shoulder. Cas said nothing, simply pulling the picture out of his jacket and showing it to Dean. "Where'd you get that ? Did Charlie take a picture ? She's always making fun of me, I've known her forever, y'know." He shook his head.

"M-meg took it. She's threatening me, said if I didn't ask her to prom, she'd do something at the graduation ceremony." The photo shook in his anxious grip.

"Well, I warned you. I knew she was a bitch, but I doubt she's serious. Girls like her ? Don't do much, they're all talk. By the way, Lisa's having a party tonight." Dean commented, signaling the waiter. "I'll take the blue cheese double burger, he'll take the double black bean burger with mayo on the side and pickles."

Cas smiled at the fact that Dean knew him well enough to order for him. "Are you sure ? I'm not sure I'd enjoy it if I'm walking across the stage and this shows up on the widescreen behind me." Dean rolled his eyes, slinging his arm around Cas' shoulder.

"'Course I'm sure babe, she's harmless." Cas mooned internally over the nickname. "Now let's enjoy our lunch." he declared, resting his hand on top of Cas' under the table. Their burgers finally came, and Cas was more than happy to bite into his, moaning at the taste. He took a few more bites, groaning with each one before noticing that Dean had gone completely still beside him. He looked over at him, his eyes were wide and his pupils were blown.

"What, do I have something on my face ?" Cas asked, reaching for a napkin on the table.

"You just got a little somethin'." he mumbled, gesturing to Cas' mouth. Cas' tongue darted out, tasting mayo at the corner of his lips. He swiped it with his finger, slowly licking it clean, all the while maintaining eye contact with Dean. "You're such a tease, y'know that ?"

He smirked. "I know."

*

He rang the doorbell, before hearing a pair of footsteps thunder down the stairs. He didn't think Dean realized, but Cas could see him fixing his hair through the window. "Hey."

"Hello. Well, let's get to business, shall we ?"

An hour later, Dean was tapping obnoxious beats onto his desk with his pencils, humming _Carry On Wayward Son_ and simulating guitar solos with stretched rubber bands. "Can you cut it out ? I'm trying to study here."

"C'mon Cas, we don't have any tests until Monday." Dean whined, spinning his chair around.

"Dean. Today's Friday."

"Exactly ! We should be out, having fun and drinking and partying. Not studying. Or we could at least make it more fun." he recommended, wiggling his eyebrows.

"N-no Dean." Cas stuttered, breath catching as Dean glared at him hungrily.

"You sure ? Those marks are starting to fade. Let's renew 'em, shall we ?" Cas rolled his eyes before he walked over to Dean's seat and crashed their lips together. It's like they were puzzle pieces, they fit together perfectly. Dean's hands on his waist, Cas' arms draped around his neck, their lips moving in sync. Dean nuzzled Cas' neck, making him shiver, before he started peppering kisses up and down his throat. "Can't get enough of you, Cas." he whispered, marking Cas' throat. They spent the next few minutes making out, eventually making their way to the bed. Dean ground against Cas, smiling at the whimpers that fell from his lips. He continued working on Cas' neck as he did, enjoying the look of pure bliss on his face and the noises he made. Suddenly, there were footsteps downstairs as a door opened and closed.

"Dean ? Are you home honey ? And did you remember to take the car to the shop ? It sounds like it's dying." a voice called up the stairs, starting up the steps and entering a room further down the hall.

"Damn it, that's my mom."

"Well, I gotta get going anyway. Have fun at Lisa's party." Cas said, gathering his books and jacket. Truthfully, he didn't want to leave. He enjoyed spending time with Dean. It made him feel ... something he couldn't describe.

"Actually, I can't go. My family's going out to dinner, it's my mom's birthday. D-do you wanna come with ? It's at 7. If it's not too much trouble," Dean blushed, not looking Cas in the eye.

"You sure ? I wouldn't be intruding ?"

"No, it would be great to have you there. Plus, Sammy hasn't met you yet."

 Cas smiled shyly, nodding. "I'd love to."

He was about to leave when Dean caught his hand, pulling him close for a kiss. Their lips met slowly and softly, the complete opposite of their usual rushed, heated kisses. Yet, this kiss held a special heat of it's own, one that was accompanied by butterflies in Cas' stomach and the soft hold of Dean's hands on his face. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead on Dean's, Dean's thumb stroking his cheek softly. "See you tonight."

Cas nodded, too dazed to say anything. A soft reflection caught his eye as he gripped the windowsill tight, making the photo of them on Dean's wall the last thing he saw before he dropped out the window.


	6. part 1, chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas meets the Winchesters

**Cas** what should i wear ?

 **DW** nothing too fancy, what you were wearing before is good

 **Cas** dean.

 **DW** what ?

 **Cas** i have a string of hickeys going up my neck

 **DW** and ?

 **Cas** i can't show that in front of your parents ! they'll think i'm indecent

 **DW** fine, wear a scarf or smthn

 **Cas** i'll see you at seven then

*

Cas did a once-over of his outfit in the mirror, making sure to wrap the scarf carefully around his neck. Jody appeared behind him, resting her arms lightly on his shoulders and smiling at his reflection. "You look beautiful, sweetie."

"Thanks mom." She started tearing up, hugging him tight.

"Y'know, I remember my first date with your mom. I was so nervous, I just about cancelled it."

"Mom, this isn't a date. It's just ... me meeting Dean's family."

"Oh, you're getting serious, aren't you ? I didn't get to meet Mr. Harvelle until the fifth date, and he wasn't very happy to see me."

Cas rolled his eyes. "We're not dating, we're just ... friends with benefits. And he doesn't like me like that, we agreed no strings attached." Cas said, blushing madly. Why was he discussing his relationship with Dean with his mother ?

"Well, how do _you_ feel ? That's what matters." she countered. "Now, I have to go on and prepare dinner for your mama, you know she has long days at work." She left Cas standing in front of the mirror, alone with his thoughts. Did he like Dean ? Like, romantically ? He couldn't, no, he _didn't_ like Dean, they were just hooking up. And besides, Dean would never like him like that. He was into Lisa, he could see it in the way he looked at her. What if she liked him too ? Because Dean was great and sweet and funny and good looking (maybe he did like Dean) and who wouldn't fall for him ? And Dean would ask her out. And she'd say yes. Then, she'd be his girlfriend. And Cas would see less and less of Dean. Soon, Dean would drop him, because he'd be cheating on Lisa. Oh god, what would he do then ?

For the second time that day, Cas was on the verge of a panic attack. He took in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It was only ten minutes to seven, and Cas had to make the walk to Dean's house a few blocks away. He bid goodbye to his mom, kissing her cheek. (She told him to have fun and use protection.) As he made his way to Dean's house, eyeing a car in the driveway. Was it Dean's dad ? He'd never been there when Cas had gone over to study or hang out at Dean's house, he'd always been told that he was on business trips. With a shaky hand, he rang the doorbell. It was answered by a clean shaven man with a business shirt, tie and slacks on. The complete opposite from Dean's usual khaki or leather jackets and jeans. "You must be Mr. Winchester. Dean's told me a lot about you." Cas introduced, not quite meeting his eyes.

"Yes, and you are ?" Mr. Winchester replied, eyeing Castiel's scarf and raising his eyebrows slightly.

"I'm Castiel, Dean's friend. He invited me over, I hope I'm not intruding. Am I ?"

"No, if Dean invited you then you're welcome. Any friend of Dean's is a friend of mine." Mr. Winchester said, stepping aside to let Castiel into the house. "Dean ! Your friend is here !" he yelled up the stairs, cueing a thump as Dean nearly tumbled down the stairs.

"Hey." he greeted, smirking at the blue scarf woven around Cas' neck.

"Hello." They maintained eye contact longer than what was considered socially acceptable, smiling softly.

"Mary, Sam ! Are you ready to go ? Dean's friend came and we're ready to head out."

A tall, lean body flew down the stairs, followed by a short blonde woman.

"Hello, you must be Cas, Dean told me you were coming along."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Winchester."

"Please, call me Mary. Mrs. Winchester was John's mother."

The way Mary welcomed Cas into her home made him feel warm inside. He knew where Dean got his sweet hospitality from.

"This is Sammy, my overgrown little brother. He's a junior at our school." Dean stated, pushing forward his little brother who blushed furiously under Cas' baby blue gaze. They headed into the Impala, driving over the interstate stopping a few towns away at a sweet little diner. "This is Bradbury's, only the best diner in Kansas. No, in the whole entire _South_." Dean proclaimed, motioning towards the blinking sign. Only a moment later, Dean's father arrived in his car with Mary and Sam.

"As in Charlie Bradbury ? Doesn't she go to our school ?" Cas asked, fingers brushing against Dean's as they walked in and sat in a booth in the isolated corner.

"Yeah, her mom owns it. Her dad did, but then-"

"So Cas," Sam interrupted. Dean shot him a glare. "What college do you want to go to ?" Cas blushed at the sudden attention, all four heads turning to him.

"I think I want to go to Mendoza College of Business, major in accounting. I want to stay close to home."

"Why, you have a girlfriend ?" John queried.

"N-no. I don't actually. Trying to focus on school." Cas answered.

"Good. It's great to keep your head screwed on straight when in high school. As long as you're not one of them queers, you're all right in my book." John shot him a smile before waving down a waiter. Cas blanched, relaxing when he felt Dean's hand rest lightly on top of his again. Sam eyed him carefully, narrowing his eyes slightly. Dean ordered another burger ( _"are you sure Dean ? You had one half this size only seven hours ago"_ ), Castiel ordered a pasta dish, and Sam ordered a salad ( _"really Sammy ? best diner in the world and you choose a salad ?"_ ). The meal went well, up until John asked Dean the same question Sam had asked Cas a few moments ago. "So where do you want to go to college, Dean ?" Dean rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his burger and not responding. "I'm _talking_ to you, Dean."

"I don't want to talk about it Dad." Dean bit out, staring down the table.

"Well, you have to think about it sometime, you're only two months away from the end of your senior year."

"I did think about it Dad, you just don't want me to go."

"University of Kansas isn't a serious school, Dean. You need to set up a solid future !" John stood in his seat, stepping out into the aisle.

"Well, I've already told you ! I'm going, I got an acceptance letter. I want to major in language and world culture !" Dean yelled, stepping out into the aisle as well.

"Don't you want to be able to support yourself, your wife and family ? That's going to get you _no_ where !"

"Maybe I don't _want_ a wife !" Dean shouted, shoving his father back and angrily stalking out of the restaurant.

"Don't you dare start that queer crap with me, get your ass back here !" John hollered, walking towards the door. Even from the back, their shouts can still be heard. Cas sat in shock for a moment, his fork still paused midair. Suddenly, the sound of the Impala starting and John stomping back to the table startle him out of his thoughts. He mumbles a _goodbye_ and _thanks for the dinner, nice meeting you_ before he rushes out of the restaurant. All he sees is the car about to leave the lot, and without second thought, he lunges in front of it. It's when he hears the screech of the tires, smells the burning rubber, winces at the megawatt lights that he thinks oh shit. He just jumped in front of a freaking car.

Dean is out of the car in seconds, by his side. His eyes scan Cas' body for any injuries, hands caressing his face (Cas leans into the touch, he couldn't resist). Then, in the second that the concern was on his face, it's gone. "What the actual _fuck_ Cas ? You just threw yourself in front of my fucking car ! I could've run you over !"

Cas winced. "I-I don't know. I just saw the car leaving and then all of a sudden I was on the road. In front of your car." Dean simply scoffs, muttering under his breath and getting in the car. Cas just stands there with his arms awkwardly holding each other, staring at Dean as he changes the tape in the stereo from Led Zeppelin to AC/DC. Dean scoffs again, looking up at him through the window.

"Well, are you going to just stand there ?" Cas' eyes widen, before he climbs into the passenger seat. Just as they're about to leave, Sam runs out to the entrance, waving.

"Have fun with your boyfriend, Dean !" Before Sam's completely out of sight, Cas sees John scold Sam.

*

They arrived at Dean's house shortly, Dean immediately rushing into his room and pulling Cas with him. Dean takes his family photos off his bookshelves and smashes them, leaving them shattered on the ground. He does the same for the pictures of his mother and father, only leaving Sam's pictures intact. Cas raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. Mere moments later, the rest of his family arrives, and he gets up to lock his bedroom door. He then presses Cas into the bed, kissing him breathless. "Dean, you shouldn't-" Dean unravels his scarf and kisses his neck, mouthing at his collarbone. "You shouldn't ... keep it all in like this." Dean continues kissing him until his collarbone has a line of hickeys that make a sort of necklace. "Dean, you need to talk to me. Why didn't you ever tell me about your fath-" He's cut off as Dean moves up to his lips again.

"Cas, no chick flick moments. Please." he pleaded, looking up at Cas in a rare moment of Winchester weakness. There's a deep sadness that echoes through his emerald eyes, and Cas feels it cut deep through his heart and reflect back in his own eyes. He knows Dean is hurting so much, but he doesn't say anything. He wants to say something, he really does. But he doesn't. 

"Ok ... ok." he replied, shoving his thoughts to the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos welcome ! thanks for reading, have a great day <3


	7. part 1, chapter 6

**Cas** do you want to talk about it ?

 **DW** no

 **Cas** please ? i just want to know

 **DW** no. my dad knows, has known, who i am. he doesn't want me to go the school i want to go to. end of story

 **Cas** ok ...

 **DW** don't make a big deal out of it, please. no chick flick moments castiel

 **Cas** fine, remember to study for tomorrow's biology test

 **DW** ok, good night

*

That week, Cas didn't see much of Dean, save for glimpses in the hall, with Lisa draped over him. On Monday, she was traipsing around in her short cheerleading skirt, Tuesday wearing what could barely qualify as "shorts", and on Wednesday jeans that looked uncomfortable. Cas stopped looking for Dean, it made him ... uncomfortable when he saw him with Lisa. On Thursday, Dean blew off their usual lunch meeting in favor of sitting at Lisa's table, which Cas discovered when he walked into the cafeteria five minutes before the lunch period ended. On Friday, Cas opted out of sitting at his usual table with his teammates, because Dean would definitely be there with Lisa, no doubt attached to her at the mouth. (It bothered Cas that he had kissed the same lips only days earlier, but no, he was not jealous). He instead sat with his half sister Jo, and her girlfriend Charlie. And for the first time in a long time, he had fun and genuinely laughed at a joke told at the lunch table. He sat there for the week after, making new friends and having a great time. He stopped texting Dean, having exchanged numbers with his new friend, Balthazar. Dean hadn't replied to his texts anyway, and didn't talk to him except during practice, when he was calling out plays and counting the number of jumping jacks or pushups the team did.

"I mean, I don't understand why Cap and Tony have to fight, they should just man up and fuck it out," Charlie complained, resting her head on Jo's shoulder.

"I know Char, but then where would Chris Evans get his student loan money from ?" Jo pointed out, laughing. Cas agreed with Charlie, about to explain his neutrality on the situation when suddenly someone sat next to him.

"God, Balth. We thought you were dead for a moment." he commented, throwing his arm absentmindedly around his shoulders, only to have Jo shake her head violently. Then he realized, this person was in fact, not Balthazar. It was Dean, looking unamusedly at Cas' arm around his upper body. Cas dropped it like Dean was on fire.

"Who's this 'Balth' guy ? You seem pretty into him, Cas." Dean smirked, punching Cas' arm lightly. Cas withdrew his arm, glaring at Dean.

"What do you _want_ , Dean ?" he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I was wondering if you'd like to come over to 'study' tonight." Dean still had the same stupid smug look on his face, he really believed Cas was going to go for it (as if).

"Why, Lisa dropped you ?" Cas bit out, stabbing his salad violently. Dean's eyebrows raised, surprised at Cas' sudden change of character.

"Dude, chill. I just thought it would be fun to hang out. We haven't hung out all week." he said, eyeing Cas hungrily.

"No, I will _not_ 'chill', Dean. I'm not going to your house to 'study' tonight. I'm not some, some ... backup that you can call when Lisa's not available. You've ignored be all week, you can't just suddenly be all buddy-buddy with me again."

"Well, it's not like you have anything better to do." Dean challenged, smiling at his victory. And for that, Cas had no reply.

"Actually, he does. We're having a movie night tonight, right Balth ? It's our thing." Jo responded. Cas felt a pair of hands on his waist, and jumped at the sudden contact.

"Yeah babe, it's just Charlie, Jo, you and me tonight; isn't it your turn to pick the movie tonight ?" Balth replied, smoothly entering the conversation. Cas smiled. His new friends were great. He nodded, wrapping his hands around the ones on his waist; then pointedly looked up at Dean and said, "I'm thinking of Star Trek." He knew that would hit Dean hard, that was their movie. They'd watched it the first time that Cas had met Dean five years ago when he'd moved to Lawrence, when Dean had gone through his first breakup, and just a week ago after they came home from the restaurant. Dean simply stood there and floundered, shocked and surprised that he'd been rejected. That had happened to him, ever. Cas watched with unmasked satisfaction as Dean walked back to his seat.

"Thanks for saving my ass there guys. I can't believe Dean actually tried that."

Jo nodded, smiling at him. "Anytime, we're friends, and that's what friends do." Charlie agreed.

"You wanna actually watch with us ? You can even pick if you want." Balth suggested, and Cas realized that he hadn't let go of his waist even though Dean was long gone. He smiled, leaning into the touch.

"I'd love to."


	8. part 1, chapter 7

**DW** hey

 **Cas** what do you want this time ? i'm in the middle of smthn

 **DW** i'm sorry for all of the stuff that happened @ lunch yesterday

 **Cas** whatever

 **DW** seriously

 **Cas** are you're not just doing it to get back with me again ?

 **DW** no, you're probably with Bathtub or whatever

 **Cas** yes, it's actually Balth, short for Balthazar

 **DW** as before, whatever

 **Cas** you're really not helping your case

 **DW** yeah, but i'm really sorry. we good ?

 **Cas** sure. i gotta go though

 **DW** k, see you tomorrow Cas. meet me @ our spot, i won't miss our lunch this week

 **Cas** :)

*

"Cas, I'm so sorry." Dean said, standing next to their table. "I was a huge jerk, and I shouldn't have treated you like that. Accept my apology ?"

"Dean, I already did yesterday. You don't need to beg. Though it is entertaining." He smiled cheekily at Dean, who blushed. Cas would never get tired of making Dean blush, it was one of his favorite things. He patted the seat next to him, moving over to make room for Dean. Jo came up to their table to take their order. He hadn't realized last time, but he now recognized that she'd been their waitress each time. She was a year older than Charlie, and since she was taking a year off before college, she spent all her time working at the restaurant and going to conventions with her girlfriend.

"Dean." she started, staring deeply into his eyes. "If you ever mess with my best friend; and brother, I may add; again, I will-" Cas covered his ears. He didn't want to know what she was saying, but judging by Dean's suddenly pale face, it was a worthy threat. "-and I'll make sure Ellen's in on it too. And she won't be so gentle." she finished, smiling triumphantly at his face. "Anyways, y'all will have the usual, right ?" Dean nodded idly, making an effort not to meet her eyes. Cas smiled at her, mouthing a _thanks_ as she walked off.

"So, how's Balthazar ?" Dean asked, glancing expectantly at Cas.

Cas smiled at the thought of the movie night two days before. "He's great. He took me out for dinner after the movie night, and he kissed me when he dropped me off. He's really sweet and kind. And I think, I think we might actually have something. And how's Lisa ?" Dean looked down at the table, playing with his napkin.

"She's ... alright. But she's not really my type. I mean, she is. Brunette, big chest, cheerleader. But she's kind of ... not you." Dean explained, whispering the last part. Cas felt his cheeks heat at the indirect compliment. Luckily, Jo came with the food to ease the tension. They ate in silence, glancing at each other and smiling occasionally.

"How much does a polar bear weigh ?"

Cas tilted his head, confused. "About three hundred pounds, though up to one thousand pounds. Why ?"

"No, Cas. It's supposed to be a joke. You're supposed to say 'I don't know' and I'm supposed to say, 'Enough to break the ice'." Dean laughed. Cas squinted at Dean.

"Oh. I get it." He got up to throw away his garbage, Dean trailing after him.

"You wanna go to mine ? And y'know, hang out ?" Dean whispered in his ear, nibbling his ear.

"I'd love to, but ... I don't want to ruin anything I have with Balth. But we could watch _Star Trek_." he smiled.

"Oh ... OK, but didn't you watch that the other night with him ?" Dean sounded hurt; and when Cas looked up at him, it showed in his eyes. He reached up to softly stroke his cheek, smiling.

"Dean, did you really think I'd watch our movie with someone else ? Without your ridiculous commentary ?" he questioned. Dean blushed, embarrassed at his jealousy.

"I'll see you later."

*

When Dean arrived, Cas was in the middle of setting up the DVD player. All the times they'd watched it together, it had been at Dean's house. And in all the years that he'd lived in Lawrence, they hadn't set up the DVD player. "Can you help me with this ?" he asked, struggling with the wires.

"It's not that hard Cas. You just gotta make sure the audio jacks are in the right spots, and that the video in goes into the video out. Then, voila." The theme started to pour out of the speakers, and Dean sat back on the couch.

"I'll get the popcorn and drinks, don't start without me."

"I won't, don't worry babe."

Cas smiled at the use of the pet name, blushing. He got the snacks from the kitchen, then sat beside Dean. Dean made silly commentary through out the episode, making Cas laugh. He sank deeper into Dean's side and Dean wrapped his arm around him. He was happy for the opportunity to spend time with Dean without any other motives behind it. When it was over, Dean leaned in to kiss him, but instead settled for a sweet, long hug. Cas couldn't keep the smile off his face, it didn't disappear until he fell asleep (dreaming of Dean).

*

Dean stopped asking for sexual favors when Cas repeatedly told him no because of his relationship with Balthazar. He enjoyed spending time together with Dean, just cuddling, laughing, and watching _Dr. Sexy_ episodes. A week later, Cas told Balth that he wasn't sure they would work out, and that they should stay friends. He didn't tell Dean.


	9. part 1, chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out

**DW** you broke up with Balthazar ?

 **Cas** yeah

 **DW** why didn't you tell me ?

 **Cas** i didn't think it was significant

 **DW** we'll talk about this later, meet me in the cafe. i'll be there in fifteen

*

 **DW** can you believe Cas didn't tell me ?

 **Char** it's not a big deal, Dean. you're blowing it out of proportion

 **DW** it is a big deal ! he didn't tell me and then he was all *weird* with me

 **Char** weird how ? weird like he likes you, or weird like distant ?

 **DW** ...

*

"Dude ! Why didn't you tell me ?" Dean yelled, shoving Cas. He spun around in surprise.

"What the fuck ? What's your problem ?"

"You didn't tell me that you broke up with Balthazar !"

"And ? So _what_ ?"

"We were still ... it wasn't the same, Cas ! And you used me as your ... your snuggle buddy or something ! That's not OK !"

"What, you're bothered by it ? 'Cause you sure didn't seem bothered by it two nights ago !" Cas retaliated, face burning red with newfound anger.

"Well, that was because I thought there was something stopping us ! You can't just not tell me, and go on being all cuddly with me !" Dean screamed.

"So you just wanted me to be your hookup ? Is that what it is ? You were scared of us being more than physical, weren't you ? You could've just told me !" By now, they were face to face, engaged in a heated argument. The restaurant was empty, and Dean was grateful. He _definitely_ didn't want that going around the school.

"I actually can't believe you right now ! I don't like you like that. You don't like me like that !" he shouted, furious at Cas.

Cas raised his hand as if to slap Dean then lowered it and squeezed his eyes shut, which were filling with tears. "You, Winchester, are a massive bitch." he said as he left the cafe, face red and tears streaming down his cheeks. Dean was too angry to follow him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a short chapter, kind of had writer's block.
> 
> comments, kudos, and editing welcome, thanks for reading ! <3


	10. part 1, chapter 9

**Cas** you left your jacket at my house. i put it in your locker at the locker room

 **DW** will you be there when i come to pick it up ?

 **Cas** hell no

*

 

 **DW** you did great during the last game of the year man. i'm going to miss playing with you

 **Cas** you were exceptional as well

 **DW** won't you say you're going to miss me ?

 **Cas** i won't lie to you

*

The truth was, Cas missed Dean. A lot. But he wasn't going to let that get in the way of him having a great senior year. He replaced Dean with Meg, who was more than happy to actually spend time with him. She dropped her threat of outing him and Dean, and slowly Cas started to trust her. She was willing to hear him talk, and not only about football or cheerleaders. She would actually hear him out, and give feedback. They became the best of friends and inseparable, just like he had been with Dean. They went to parties together and stayed up late into the night joking and laughing. It was great for him to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh with, and Meg was grateful to have a guy in her life that wouldn't judge the way she dressed, or wasn't just trying to get into her pants. And Dean ? He warmed his bed with Bela Talbot, another cheerleader; and coincidentally, Meg's rival. They hated each other, and the pairs instantly clashed. Meg would glare at Dean in the hallways, and Dean would send puppy eyes at Cas. Bela hated Cas and constantly pushed him around, despite the fact that he was bigger than her. She would slam his books down, or shove him against lockers; or, most recently, write insults on his locker in Sharpie.

As he was desperately scrubbing his locker (today it read 'Novak is a bottom bitch'), he felt a pair of hands on his waist. "Meg, I don't have time for games. I need to clean my locker off before the bell rings, I don't want anyone to see it."

"Not Megan, try again." a deep voice said, and Cas instantly recognized it. He wouldn't admit that it brought tears to his eyes.

"Dean, we're done. Whatever we were, it's over. It might not have occurred to you, but I don't enjoy being pushed around and manipulated. Find another easy lay, Bela's probably willing to meet you in the janitor's closet." he snapped.

Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas' outburst, shocked by the verbal assault. "Dude, chill. I just wanted to talk."

"I don't care." Cas said, slamming his locker and settling for placing a school spirit poster over the words.

"Well, I do. Now, first things first, you said you wouldn't miss me. That's a lie, isn't it ?"

"N-no it's not. I won't miss- I won't miss ..." he trailed off.

"See ? You can't even say it. Of course you'll miss me. Now that we've established that, I need to understand: what exactly are your feelings towards me ? Do you want to be with me like you want me to fuck you into a mattress ? Or be with me like you wanna hold your hand and give you sweet kisses too, as well as fuck you into a mattress ?"

Cas gasped, blushing at Dean's blunt obscenity. "Don't- don't use language like that. We're in school." he stuttered, looking around to make sure no one heard him.

"Just answer the damn question, Cassie." he teased, smirking at his obvious discomfort.

"I don't have feelings towards you." Cas said, drawing his words out slow and clear. He'd prepared for this, Meg had coached him on what to say just in case Dean had tried to win him back.

"Really ? So you don't want me to fuck you into a mattress and give you sweet kisses and hold your hand ?"

"N-no, I don't want that." Cas' face had gradually gone from pale to carnation pink to magenta and now, ruby red.

"Oh, so you wouldn't feel anything if I did this ?" And suddenly, Dean's lips were on his and he was pressed up against his locker, igniting a long-ago put out fire in his spine. The kiss wasn't rushed or needy, it was like the kiss in Dean's bedroom. It was slow and Dean gently cradled his face in his hands. The bell rang and Cas heard the click of the classroom doors opening down the hall. He pulled away from the kiss, making a move to walk away, but Dean captured his arm and stopped him. "Hey, where're you going ? I wasn't done with that."

And they were kissing again, but this time Dean wrapped his arms around his waist, and Cas was leaning up on his tippy toes to kiss him, making it all at once everything that Cas had wanted. The students all around them started taking pictures, but Dean didn't let go. And when he did, he asked "Boyfriends ?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol you thought it was bad in the last chapter ? don't worry, shit will hit the fan in part two.


	11. part 1, chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter of part 1 :)))))

**Cas** see you at the graduation

 **DW** k, meet you in the front

 **Cas** ♥︎

 **DW**  ♥︎♥︎

 **Cas**  ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

 **DW**  ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

 **Cas**  ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

 **DW** alright, you win

*

Dean sat down in the seat next to his mother and brother, leaving two spaces next to him for Cas and John. Cas hurried in, followed by a teary Ellen and Jody. "Hey babe." he said, instantly twining his fingers with Cas'. Ellen nudged Jody, smiling tearily at the couple. Cas adjusted Dean's cap, and straightened his gown.

"This is such a bittersweet moment." he sniffed, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Don't be like that." Dean replied, wiping Cas' eyes with his free hand.

"It's just that, you're going to Miami and I'm going to Mendoza and we may never see each other again !" he wailed, burying his face into Dean's shoulder.

"We can do this. I'll call every night, we'll video chat, and we'll visit each other over holidays. Don't worry, I won't let you go _that_ easily." he joked, and he punctuated his statement with a kiss on Cas' forehead.

Dean's father appeared from where he'd gone to park the car, eyeing Dean and Cas' joined hands. He scoffed, opting to take the seat next to Mary instead. The speeches started, the principal calling up various representatives from clubs and teams around the school. Soon enough, Meg went up to the podium to give her piece as she beamed out at the crowd.

"I'd like to thank everyone for supporting me through out my high school career, and all my teachers for encouraging me to be the best I can. I especially thank Coach Ellen for being like a second mother to me and teaching me everything I know, my girlfriend Ruby for putting up with me when I was being a bitch, my parents for financially supporting me, and most of all, my best friend Cassie."

Cas blushed at the compliment, and Dean beamed at him. The principal returned to center stage and Cas felt Dean squeeze his hand tight.

"Next up we have Dean Winchester, senior captain of the football team."

Dean was up on the stage in what could be record time, grinning out at the crowd. "Hello friends, teachers, and family. My name is Dean Winchester and I'm senior captain of the football team, as you know. It's taken a lot for me to get here, and it'll take a lot to go on. I'd like to thank my teachers for giving me academic knowledge and teaching me life lessons, Coach Singer for telling me to always keep going, my family for always backing me up, and my best friend and boyfriend Cas for being the best I could ever ask for. In ten years, some of us might not be here, some of us might be on the streets, and some of us will be big shot corporate leaders. But in the words of a wise man, 'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.' So no matter what, always keep going. Thank you."

The gym erupted in applause and Cas cheered the loudest. The graduation ceremony started as the principal called up seniors to receive their diplomas. Dean whooped and hollered as Cas received his own, making him blush. When the ceremony was finally over, they all tossed their caps into the air, hugging each other tightly. A banner that read 'Class of 2012' fell down from the ceiling. Cas gripped Dean tight, cherishing it. He was going to miss Dean so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that i haven't updated, will post part 2 intro tomorrow. thanks for reading, comments and kudos welcome ! <3


	12. part 2

i made a playlist for part 1 (it's really short because part 1 is really short and uneventful) :

**nineteen** movements

**nicotine** panic! at the disco

**misery business** paramore

 

here's the playlist for part 2:

**honey this mirror's not big enough for the two of us** my chemical romance

**fool's gold** one direction

**nicotine** panic! at the disco

**nineteen** movements

**misery business** paramore

**texas is forever** pierce the veil

**follow you** bring me the horizon

**flashlight** the front bottoms

**not as cool as me** mainland

**ghost** halsey

**swimming pool** the front bottoms

**a match into water** pierce the veil

**nine in the afternoon** panic! at the disco

*

Dean kissed him like they'd never see each other again at the airport. The call was made for Dean's flight to start boarding, and that was when Cas started crying. "I'm going to miss you." he whispered.

"I know. I'll call you tonight, I'll miss you on the way there." Dean said.

"Sure, you'll miss me in the heat of Florida amidst the girls walking around in bikinis all day." Cas laughed lightly, burying his face into Dean's shoulder.

"Don't say that, I won't look at another person." Dean dropped his head pressing a kiss to his forehead, his lips, then a lingering kiss to his neck.

"Last call for the flight to Miami, the doors are closing."

Cas cried harder, hugging Dean. "It's gonna be alright ... we're gonna be alright." Dean whispered, before leaving to walk out of the terminal to his plane.

*

Dean kept his promise and skyped Cas every night, and called him during his lunch break. School and new friends made it hard to uphold the relationship, but they tried. On Thanksgiving, Dean couldn't make it out to Kansas because he had a football game in Miami. He said that his family flew out to watch it. Cas didn't make it to Miami because he had a ton of work to do, including two business papers within the next week. He knew it would hurt them to not see each other, and their relationship. The calls went from every night to every other night, some of which Dean cut short. Cas was constantly busy with school work. After Thanksgiving, Cas found that Lisa had moved to Miami, because she wanted to "experience life on the coast" (Cas was still wary of her intentions). Dean would go on and on about what crazy party they went to that weekend together, or what amazing restaurant they visited. At some points he would stop, hesitate, then go on, as if he wasn't telling Cas part of the story. And Cas felt himself becoming drawn to his classmate Andrei. They would share lingering touches and talk about nothing and everything for hours on end. The only thing holding back their inevitable relationship was Dean.

*

_one month later, beginning of freshman year_

"I hope that the weather won't be too bad so that we can fly out to see each other for the holidays." Cas said, shivering at the cold air of his dorm. Anna, his roommate, lay sleeping in the bed next to him in an attempt to warm up.

"Why're you shivering ? Don't you have heating there ?" Dean asked, his brow furrowed. Something moved on the edge of the screen.

Cas rolled his eyes at the stupid question. "Yeah, but some idiot decided that it would be wise to pour a case of vodka on the fuse box. They managed to get the lights everything else running, but they're still working on getting the heat up." There was an awkward silence. "So when're you going to fly out ? I'm going out tomorrow to see Ellen and Jody up until the 23rd, but I can wait until the end of the break to see them if you need to be back out earlier."

Dean bit his lip. "Cas. Um, I- I think we should talk about our relationship." Cas' stomach dropped. He knew it was coming, he'd anticipated it for weeks, but he still felt his heart start to break. "Do you mind getting away from Anna for a bit ? I don't want to wake her." Cas shook his head.

"She'll be fine, she sleeps like the dead." he replied, and his voice already started to shake.

"Cas, I- I'm sorry but I don't know if I can do it anymore." Cas squeezed his eyes shut; and for a moment, he's transported a few months back to the middle of the empty restaurant. "We're just so far apart and it's too hard to keep up with each other." Dean continued, though he avoided Cas' eyes. A lone drop slid down Cas' cheek and his throat hurt with unshed tears. Then Dean said it. The words that Cas knew he was going to say from the beginning of their relationship. "I think that we should- we should break up." And then the dam broke and Cas' tears start flowing freely. "I'm sorry." All Cas can do is nod in response, though Dean doesn't look sorry at all. "Maybe we can try again, someday when we're-"

"Don't. Don't lie to me and give me false hope." Cas blurted, his voice thick with sobs.

"Ok. But you'll be alright, and you'll find someone that's perfect for you."

"I said don't give me false hope." he repeated, and his heart is being ripped out of his chest. Because even though they were miles apart, he still loved Dean. He could feel it, and he never got the chance to say it. He's about to end the call when Dean called out "Hey Cas ? Merry Christmas." Cas laughs without humor.

"Merry Christmas to you too Dean, and the bitch laying in bed next to you." Dean's mouth drops open, and Cas laughs bitterly again. Did Dean really think that he couldn't see it ? The marks on his neck that he didn't try that hard to hide, the traces of lipstick on his cheek, and he actually even dared to call Cas from a user called 'lisathebab3'. Twice. Dean starts to protest, but before he can say anything, the screen goes black.

*

_two months later, still freshman year_

He is drunk. Very drunk. And Cas was not a happy drunk, it was one of the reasons he stuck with only weed and coke (though he was a horny drunk, Andrei can testify). He lay in bed with a sleeping Andrei's arms wrapped around his middle and vision quickly blurring with tears. He missed Dean. So very much. He slipped out of Andy's grip and walked out onto the patio, grabbing his phone from the bedside table. Before he knew it, he was calling Dean's number from muscle memory and it was dialing. And dialing. Tears had started to well up in his eyes again before he heard a groggy "Hello ?". It wasn't Dean's voice, it was feminine. The thought alone brought the tears trailing down his face again. "Hello ? Who's this ?" he said, at the same time as the person on the other side. "I'm just ... one of Dean's old friends that just wanted to see how he's doing." he answered, disguising his voice by raising it a few octaves.

"Oh. I'm Lisa, his girlfriend. I can connect you if you want."

"No ! I mean, no it's ok. I don't want to wake him from his sleep." Memories of waking up and sleeping next to Dean flash in his mind, and it takes everything he has to not throw his phone off of the ledge. "Just tell him it's from his angel." He hangs up abruptly and crawls into bed, straddling Andrei's hips and grinding down on him. Andrei doesn't say anything when Cas can't find it in himself to kiss Andy back.

*

_three years later, start of senior year_

"-And this is our field. Lucky for you, we're doing the first practice of the year. I'll introduce you to the team." Coach Crowley said, not mentioning how he got into the school so late in his college career, and Cas is all at once so so grateful for the powers of Charlie Bradbury. "Hey ! All of you, line up ! New team member Clarence Milton, meet Kevin Tran, Benny Lafitte, Andy ..." Cas zones out for the rest of the names, until one specific set of syllables knocks him back into reality.

"Sorry, I didn't hear the last name. Who's the captain ?" he queried, purposely not looking down the line just in case what he heard was correct.

"Dean Winchester, our team captain and star player. Dean, go on and show Clarence his locker. The rest of you, three laps around the field, get your lazy arses moving."

Cas smirks at the blanching Dean, who flounders for a moment before grabbing Cas' arm (quite forcefully, he may add) and dragging him into the locker room.

"What the fuck ? You're not supposed to be here !"

"Miss me Deanie ? How's Lisa ? She's not nearly as good in bed as I am, is she ? I hope not, I have a bet going with Jo and Char."

"How the hell did you even get accepted ? Why aren't you in Chicago ?" Dean continued, ignoring Cas' questions. (Though Cas knows he heard because Dean blushes and almost does that thing with his lip.)

"It was Notre Dame you ass, and it was easy. I just had a friend mess around a bit with the system and get me in. It only cost me like two thousand dollars in bribes, and get this, it's free for the year !" Cas bragged, smiling widely. Dean's face stays angry, and he resists the urge to laugh at him.

"But why are you here ? You were getting your accounting degree, why'd you transfer ?" Dean demanded, and Cas actually does laugh at him.

"That ? It was nothing." He looks down at his nails, picking at them. He makes a mental note to get a manicure after practice. "I just got into some trouble in ND, got kicked out of Mendoza, blah blah blah, asked Charlie for some help, and now I'm here !" he chirped, and suddenly he's backed up and pressed against the locker.

"Oh, so we're back to this again, just like old times. I get all tingly when you take control like that."

"Whatever, _Clarence_. I don't care how you got here or if you're staying or not. I just want you to stay out of my life. I've got it good and don't need you ruining it." he growled, jabbing his finger into Cas' chest.

"Won't make any promises, Winchester !" Cas called as he ran back out onto the field.

*

Dean doesn't say anything when he sees Cas sucking off one of his teammates in the showers after practice. He also doesn't say anything when Coach Crowley doesn't bust him for coming to practice high and reeking weed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that I wasn't able to upload part 2 by yesterday. but i made up for it in an extra longish chapter. hope you enjoyed it, comments and kudos welcome ! <3
> 
> (p.s. i kinda got myself together and tried to keep the tense consistent. please comment if you notice any errors)


	13. part 2, chapter 1

"-Of course. I'll even buy you some roses." Cas paused. "Absolutely, anything for you princess. I love you." He hung up, obviously oblivious to his observer.

"New girlfriend, huh ? Don't think she'll approve of you sleeping around." Dean quipped, obviously trying to get on his nerves.

"Well, for your information, though it's not like it's any of your business anyways, but Clary is actually my daughter." Cas grabbed his sunglasses from his bag, sliding them on. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to make it to her middle school production of 'Cinderella'." he said, pushing past him to leave the locker room, and purposely swaying his hips.

*

"Come on Lisa, we're gonna be late." Dean said, grabbing his jacket.

"Chill Dean, it's just my nephew's eighth grade play. It's not Broadway." Lisa applied more mascara to her already overdone lashes.

"But Ben's excited about it, so I think we should make an effort to be there for him. Now come _on_ , you've already got enough makeup on." he urged, earning him a glare.

*

The curtains closed, then reopened as the various cast members ran out to take a bow. "And last but certainly not least, the leads playing the Prince and Cinderella, Benjamin Braeden and Claire Milton !" the director announced, and the pair bounced onto center stage. Warning bells rang out in Dean's head, though he didn't know why. He cheered as loud as he could, shouting "Go Ben !". As the applause died down, the cast members' families went up to greet them. "Good job Ben ! I'm _so_ proud of you." Dean congratulated, ruffling his hair.

"We've gotta get on our way, I have a meeting early tomorrow morning." Lisa said, attempting to rush them out the door. Dean ignored her.

"Claire's pretty cute, do you like her ? She seems sweet." Dean glanced over to where she was talking to her mom or dad, who was blocked by the crowd.

"Nah, she dating Kristine."

Lisa's eyes widened. "As in, a girl ? I don't want you hanging out with her, I don't like that kind of influence on your life."

Claire made her way over, holding a bouquet of roses in her hand. She had changed out of the elaborate dress she'd been in fir the last scene, though her hair remained in the updo. "I'm really going to miss you next year Ben. You're a great costar." she commented, hugging him with tears in her eyes. Her bright blue eyes, almost like ... "My dad is here but he's getting me his post-play gift from the parking lot." As if drawn to the scene by mention, her father walked up behind her.

"Hi Ben, I'm Castiel. Most people call me Cas though. I've heard a ton about you." he introduced, shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you, this is my mom Lisa and her boyfriend Dean. You guys go to the same college, right ?"

"Right. Does your father talk about me ?" Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean.

"He's mentioned you a few times, he said that you also went to high school together. Well, I gotta go Mom, the cast party car is leaving. Claire, you coming ?"

"Yeah, I just gotta open this. It'll only take a moment." Cas grinned down at her.

"Alright, close your eyes." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a long box, which he opened to reveal a necklace. He strung it around her neck, and she opened her eyes to look down at it.

"I love it Dad ! It's so beautiful !" she squealed, throwing her arms around his neck.

"I'm glad you like it sweets. It has angel wings to remind you that angels are watching over you. Now, go on and have fun. I want you to be home by twelve, so call me by eleven forty-five if you need a ride. No funny business with Krissy, you hear me ?"

She nodded quickly, rushing over to her friends. Ben followed suit.

Cas walked out to the parking lot, having parked in the same section as them. He turned around just as they had gotten to their car.

"So, how've you been ? Has anything changed since high school ?"

"Oh, nothing much. We're talking about getting married. Do you have a girlfriend ? Actually, boyfriend, you're one of _those_ people, right ?" Lisa smirked.

"Honey, just because you got the guy, doesn't mean he's gonna stay." Lisa's mouth dropped open, her face reddening with anger and embarrassment. "Well, gotta blast, bitches. Bye ! Dean, see you at practice tomorrow." He winked, throwing his leg over a Harley-Davidson that was no way his own. He sped away, stopping at the exit of the parking lot to blow a kiss to Lisa off his middle finger. Dean held back laughter, because _that_ was the Cas he knew.

"I've never liked him." Lisa muttered, slamming the car door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading ! comments and kudos welcome <3


	14. part 2, chapter 2

"-Castiel Dmitri Tippens Krushnic Mills-Harvelle, you'd better get your shit together or God help me I myself will come up there."

"I'm fine, Meg, I've got it all under control." Cas whispered, even though there was no one left in the locker room and Dean was out on the field.

"That's what you said _last_ time, Cas ! I can't stand you doing this to yourself."

"Meg, I think that you're just turning your maternal instincts in the wrong direction. You've got a life to live, you don't have to worry about me. You graduated early, you have a stable job at a law firm, you and Ruby got married, and you finally have a baby on the way. Worry about your family, not me."

"Cas, how many times do I have to tell you, you _are_ family. You, Ruby, and my unborn baby are all the family I've got." Meg said gently, her temper having gone down.

"You're my family too, Meg. I just don't want you worrying about me, OK ? I gotta go."

"Fine Cassie, but keep yourself safe OK ?"

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too." He hung up then started to gather his things.

"Wow, it's great that you guys are still close friends." Dean commented, revealing his presence.

Cas startled and then scowled, glaring at him. "You know eavesdropping is rude, right ? You shouldn't make it a habit."

"I just happened to catch your conversation. Is Meg actually having a baby ? Can't say I was ever extraordinarily fond of her, but I'm happy for her."

"Well, you were there, you heard the conversation." There was a silence as both changed out of their practice clothes, and Cas didn't even pretend he wasn't checking Dean out.

"So is Claire actually your daughter ?"

"Will Dean Winchester ever become comfortable with his sexuality ? There are some questions that will forever go unanswered." Cas smiled widely, leaving the locker room.

*

The next practice, Cas had to slip into the locker room because he was feeling faint. It was probably withdrawal symptoms. He spotted Dean leaning over his bag inside his locker, and leaned over to his ear. "Hello ? Is the ever-eavesdropping Dean Winchester present ?"

Dean shot up from where he was standing, hitting his head on the shelf inside his locker. "What the fuck dude ? You gotta give me a warning." he said, rubbing his head.

"I did. That was your warning."

Dean rolled his eyes. "What are you doing off of the field ?" he asked, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

"I could ask the same of you."

Dean rolled his eyes again. "Wanna go out for coffee or something ?"

Cas raised his eyebrows over exaggeratedly. "Really ? _Moi_ ?"

"Don't take this the wrong way. You're just the nearest person available, we haven't had a conversation in four years, and I don't have anything to do. So you in or not ?"

This time, it was Cas that rolled his eyes. "Ok, _bruh_."

*

"I'll order a slice of chocolate peanut butter pie- wait, you're not allergic to peanuts, right ?- yeah, chocolate peanut butter pie and a black coffee, two sugars. What do you want ? ... He'll have a black coffee with two sweeteners- are you sure that's it ?- and vanilla creamer."

The barista called their names ("Dean ? Um, Cassiel ? Casitel ? Is Dean's friend here ?").

 _Call me_ , she mouthed at Dean; and he saw that she had written her number on the cup.

"Sorry babe, he's taken." Cas sang, winking at her. Her smile dropped, and under her breath she grumbled "At least you guys make a cute couple."

Dean floundered, brushing a bright scarlet. "W-we're not to-"

"Close your mouth hun, you'll catch flies." Cas smirked, gathering his drink and heading to the table. Immediately, Dean launched into an obviously rehearsed speech.

"Look dude, I know we didn't end on a good note. But I want to start over, like be friends. Obviously just friends, cause I'm with Lisa. But I don't want you to hate me, you've been my best friend forever and I don't want to lose th-"

Cas cut him off, placing his hand over Dean's lightly. "It's ok," he started. "I know. It's been four years, do you really think I haven't moved on ? I mean you're still hot as ever, but I think I can handle being just friends. Let's just take it slow, 'k ?" he said, his voice and eyes uncharacteristically soft.

Dean nodded and gulped, looking pointedly at where their hands were connected. Cas looked down and squeezed his hand before letting go, smirking.


	15. part 2, chapter 3

Dean couldn't stop smiling. All the way home. He was still floating on clouds when he got home, to find Lisa waiting at the door.

"Who is it that's not me that has you so happy ?" she teased, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"I just caught up with an old friend, I'm just happy that we can be friends again. We didn't end on the best terms, so it's ... refreshing, you know ? Like a weight off my shoulders."

She leaned back, looking into his eyes. "Dean," she cooed, walking her fingers up his chest. She only acted like this when she wanted something ... but what could she want ? "Who was this friend ?"

"Cas, why ?" He knew what was coming, yet he asked anyway.

"You know I don't like you hanging out with him." she said, giving him a pointed look.

"Well, you don't get to decide Lis, OK ?" he replied, stepping out of her reach. He reached for a cookie in the basket but she stepped in his way.

"Hey, don't cut me off like that. We were talking Dean."

"No, you were talking. I'm finished with this conversation."

She scowled. "Dean, you can't just close this door. We're not finished with this. I don't like you hanging out with Cas, he seems like a bad influence. And plus, he's  _gay_. And, I might add, a bit of a slut." she whispered, as if saying something scandalous. "I don't want you ending up like that."

Dean's body ignited with anger, because how dare she even _say_ that about Cas. "Um, _excuse_ me ?"

"You heard me Dean, and you know I'm right. You just don't want to admit it." she explained soothingly, as if she hadn't just talked badly about his best friend.

"Excuse me ?" he repeated, unbelieving of her words.

She dropped the act, her face turning to stone. "Dean, I don't know what you're getting so worked up about. I just don't want you to hang out with him anymore. I don't want you falling back into bad habits."

"Old habits ? Drinking ? That's a habit. Smoking ? That's a habit. But hanging out with an old friend ? That's not a habit Lis. And you're one to talk, calling Cas a slut. How even fucking dare you ? What are you, my mother ? Deciding my friend choices for me ?" He grabbed his coat from where he'd put it on the coat rack only ten minutes ago. He headed out the door, only to be stopped again. Lisa stepped in his way, her face red with frustration.

"Where are you going ? You're not leaving."

"I'm going _out_. And as I said Lisa, you're not my fucking mother." The wall vibrated with the force of the slammed door.

*

"Another one please." Dean mumbled, motioning for the bartender to provide him with another shot.

"Sorry but I think you've had enough. I'm gonna have to cut you off brother." he replied, absentmindedly wiping down the counter.

"Look _Benny_ ," Dean leaned down to read the name tag on his chest. "I'm fucking paying for you to do this job. So either pour it up or I leave with some colorful words to your manager."

Benny rolled his eyes before pouring Dean another shot.

*

"What are you doing here ?" a voice behind him asked, startling Dean into nearly spilling his glass down the front of his shirt.

"Cas, I told you, you've got to be giving me warnings. You can't just sneak up behind me like that." he wheezed, coughing slightly because of the little bit of whiskey that had gone down the wrong pipe.

"That _was_ your warning." Dean can hear the smile in his voice.

"Anyway, as I asked before, what are you doing here ? Aren't you supposed to be fucking Lisa or teaching Ben baseball or some shit ?" he quipped, flagging Benny down for a drink.

"Hey, watch your language."

"I'm not a child, Deanie. I can say whatever the _fuck_ I want." he replied, accenting the curse. "Hey Benji."

Benny smiled at Cas in a way that made Dean feel uncomfortable, almost wolfish. And Cas was matching his expression, biting his lip and the whole nine. Dean rolled his eyes. "Hey Cassie, how's it been ? Haven't seen you in a while."

"Benny, I was here a week ago. But since you asked, I've been fine." The two exchanged looks for a moment, before Dean cleared his throat, looking pointedly between Cas and Benny. "Oh, this is Dean by the way. He's an old ... friend from high school. Dean, Benny Lafitte. I assume you've met before though." Cas said, not looking away from Ben's eyes.

"Alright, so what's been happening between you two ? There's obviously something."

"Why, you jealous ? There's nothing going on between us really, we've just fucked a few times. Benny likes that I'm really flexible." Cas commented, lighting a joint.

Dean sputtered, choking for the second time. "Dude."

"What ? Oh right, we never got to fuck. I was planning to do that over winter break you know ? You missed your chance. I think you really would've liked it." He drew another breath from his cigarette, blowing it in his face. Dean suspected that Benny was supposed to stop him from smoking in the bar, but ignored it in exchange for favors. Dean's stomach burned with jealousy, and he downed his drink to try to make it leave. It didn't.

"Benny ! Another one please. Actually, make it four." he called, and Benny scoffed but obliged.

"You'd better be tipping me mighty fine, brother." he grumbled.

*

Benny had left long ago, so Dean hadn't drunk anything in the past hour. But he was still at the bar, just watching. Cas was impossible to trace in the crowd. He moved from person to person, grinding with various girls and guys and locking lips before moving to the other side of the dance floor. Dean smiled softly, feeling the buzz of the alcohol running through his veins. A flash of dark hair and bright eyes. Something drew Dean to the dance floor, and instantly he was caught up in the whirlpool of bodies as well. It was exhilarating, the bass shaking the floor and the people moving all around him. And suddenly he was paired with a body he hadn't touched in years, grinding back onto him. Cas turned around to kiss Dean before his dilated eyes met green. "Hey stranger." he said, smiling up at Dean. He poked at Dean's dimples, deepening them. "What're you doing on the dance floor ? You told me you don't dance in high school."

"Things change." he whispered, resisting the urge to grab Cas by the hips and crash their lips together.

"Well, Deanie. It's been nice. I gotta go, the night is still young. See you 'round." Cas turned and nearly disappeared into the crowd before Dean caught his arm and brought their bodies close, leaning down and kissing him hard. Cas kissed back with fervor, their tongues dancing a routine they'd both never forgotten. He dipped his head to pepper Cas' neck with open-mouth kisses, making him press up harder against Dean. "Dean, y-you shouldn't. You're drunk, I'm high, you have a- god, right there- girlfriend and a kid." Dean smirked into his neck.

"Has that ever stopped you before ?"

"No, but in your words not mine, 'you have it good and you don't want me screwing it up.'"

"We've all said things we don't mean." Dean replied, marking Cas' collarbone.

"Well then, here's something I mean. Let's get out of here." Cas grabbed his arm and trailed him through the crowd towards the door.

*

The sunlight was piercingly bright, hurting Cas' eyes. His stomach was filled with dread when he realized that yes, there was someone else in his bed and yes, that person was indeed Dean Winchester. Dean was snoring lightly next to him, no doubt naked underneath the sheets covering his lower half (if Cas' sore ass was anything to testify by). He stared at his peaceful figure for a moment before he shook him awake, making him grumble. "What'd'you want Lis ? It's like two-o'clock in the morning." he mumbled, burying his face in the pillow.

"You should probably get back to Lisa. You know, at your apartment. Somewhere that's not here." Cas replied, gathering Dean's clothes from where they were strewn across the floor.

"What's the matter angel, was I that bad last night ?" Dean asked, groaning as he stretched.

"No, it's just awkward that I just had a one-night stand with my teammate. Who's straight. And has a girlfriend, and a kid. I need you to leave, Claire will be coming back from her friend's house soon. And don't call me angel."

"For the record, I'm bisexual. And secondly, that didn't stop you in high school, did it ?"

Cas burned red and threw the pile of Dean's clothes at him. "Just get dressed and get going please."

"I don't have my car, I left it at the bar last night." Cas rolled his eyes.

*

"Dean, it's my bike. I should be driving it."

"But Cassie, that's no way to treat a guest."

Cas rolled his eyes for what seemed the thirtieth time since he woke up that morning.

"Just- get on."

"Thanks angel." Dean seated himself on the bike and Cas sat behind him, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. He could hear his breath hitch in his throat, and he smirked against the back of his jacket.

"Well then, let's get going."

*

Dean's apartment building was sleek and modern, probably the result of two steady incomes. The bike sputtered to a stop at the entrance, leaving a comfortable silence. "Ok Dean, I'm pretty sure we overstepped the boundaries of a one-night stand when you bought us breakfast an hour ago and then we went for a ride through the park. But a goodbye kiss is definitely not one of them." Cas joked, nudging Dean to get him off the bike.

"So that means I've got nothing to lose." Dean replied, pressing his lips to Cas' forehead. And for the first time since they'd reunited, Dean saw Cas struck speechless.

"See you around, Milton."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't updated in forever (stupid standardized testing) ! i promise that i'll be updating more often from now on though. kudos and comments appreciated ! <3


	16. part 2, chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i make Lisa sort of (totally) a bitch in this chapter just to propel the plot, though canonically she's really great and i do support queerplatonic dean/Lisa. but anyway, just a heads up if you wonder why i'm making her the mother of all evil in my story
> 
> also, a bit of straight sex ahead, just in case that's not your thing

Dean didn't stop to say hi to Lisa on his way in, he just went into Ben's room and called out, "We're going out, put your jacket on." Lisa gave him the puppy eyes look but after years of not giving in to Sam, he wasn't affected (he always gave into Cas' puppy eyes, but no one needed to know that). They climbed into the Impala, Dean revving the engine and turning the music up loud to avoid any questions. But of course, Ben was going to ask them anyway.

"Are you and mom fighting ?" he asked, his eyes still fixed on his phone screen. Dean looked into the mirror that faced behind the car.

"We're just having a little argument, nothing serious." Dean replied, looking everywhere but Ben's face.

"Is it because of that guy that was on the motorcycle outside ?"

Dean paled, the car swerving slightly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ben smiling with satisfaction at his reaction. "No, it's not. And Cas is none of your business, kid."

"I was just asking. If there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to tell." Ben smirked, turning his phone off. Dean rolled his eyes. This kid was just like his mother.

*

"Well, what do you want to do ?" Dean hadn't planned the trip thoroughly, he'd only decided that he didn't want to be in the same building as Lisa and they'd ended up in the mall.

"What about ice cream ? Then maybe we can go to Hot Topic." Ben suggested, heading off in the direction of Carvel.

"Isn't Hot Topic that goth store ? What do you want in there ?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "It's not a goth store, Nathan likes it."

"Who's Nathan ?"

Ben blushed. "Maybe we should go to Hot Topic first." The store was dimly lit, band t-shirts and various merch hanging from displays on the walls. Ben headed to the back of the store, the only part that didn't look like a scene from a Marilyn Manson concert. It was covered in rainbows and various flags, the bright colors catching Dean's attention. "Well ... um, I just ... I think that there's something I need to tell you." Ben stammered, fiddling with a small gay pride flag.

"Clearly." Dean scoffed, taking in the scene around him. Ben started crying, and Dean rushed forward to comfort him. "Hey, hey. Ben, what's up ?"

"I h-have a b-boyfriend. His name's Nath-than. Please don't hate me, don't tell my mom. I'm sorry, I'm _so_  sorry, I'm so sorry." he sobbed, clutching at Dean's jacket. Dean just stood there open-mouthed, letting Ben hold onto him. Then he wrapped his arms around Ben, hushing him.

"Ben." Ben's sobs had softened into soft gasps of tears, but he refused to meet Dean's eyes. "Ben, look at me." Ben shyly peeked up from the ground, looking embarrassed for crying in the middle of the store. "Benny, it's ok. I don't hate you, I'll always love you, alright ? No matter who you want to date. It doesn't matter to me. And we don't have to tell your mother if you don't want to or if you're not ready. It's completely up to you." Ben gave him a watery smile, eyes filling up with tears, happy and relieved this time.

"You're serious ? You won't tell my mom ?"

"I swear on Baby's paint job. It can just be our secret, between me and you. Can you keep a secret of mine ?" Ben nodded eagerly, eyes widening.

"You know Cas ? He used to be my boyfriend." Dean confessed, avoiding Ben's eyes.

"Really ? Then what happened ?"

"We just, um, grew apart. It didn't really work out. Now, how 'bout we get that ice cream you wanted ?"

*

After buying a small pride flag and celebratory sherbet, they were on their way.

"Where the hell have you been ? I called you both ten times, and you didn't pick up !" Lisa screeched, rushing to the doorway the moment the door opened.

"Um, Dean just took me out for some shopping. You know, guy's night out." Ben said, not meeting Lisa's eyes. She narrowed hers back at him.

"Benjamin, don't lie to me. Tell me the truth. You look like you've been crying, what's up ?" she asked. Ben fidgeted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Ben, you don't have to tell her if you're not ready to." Dean encouraged, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What ? You _know_ about this ? Ben, I'm your  _mother_. You should be able to tell me about this."

Ben looked to Dean for approval, who squeezed his shoulder and smiled reassuringly. He took a deep breath.

"I have a boyfri-" Ben was cut off by Lisa's slap across the face, making him cry again.

"Don't tell me you're gay Ben, I raised you better than that." He sobs louder, clinging to Dean's shirt. Dean has his arms folded against his chest, unable to comfort Ben not because he doesn't want to but because he's _so fucking mad_.

"Go to your room, we'll talk in a few moments." Lisa instructed, pointing in the direction of the stairs. As soon as Ben is out of earshot, Dean goes off.

"What the hell was that ? He's your son, you don't treat him like that !" he growled, keeping his voice down.

"I can't believe you're defending him ! I raised him better than that, he shouldn't behave that way." Lisa countered, glaring daggers in Dean's direction.

"If you raised him so well, then he should feel comfortable talking to you and being honest !" Dean shot back, unable to believe that she actually thinks she's right.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think that you're the one that influenced him to think that it's ok to like boys, Dean. I'm his mother, I get to choose what he does and doesn't do, it's my responsibility !" Lisa yelled, her face red.

"It's your responsibility as a mother to make him feel loved and safe in his own home, not hit him when he comes out to you !" Dean screamed, his face equally as heated.

"Well you know what Dean ? News flash, you're not his fucking father." she shouted, stalking down the hallway and slamming their bedroom door.

*

It had been almost four hours since Lisa had locked herself in their room, and Dean was so tired of it. Of their relationship, of fighting, of having to fight for Ben's basic rights. He sighed, hauling himself and walking towards their door. He knocks lightly on the door, hoping that Lisa will let him in.

"Lis ? I just want to let you know that I was in the wrong and ..." he paused, trying to order his words into a sentence that won't offend her but will also not be a lie. "I shouldn't have said the things I said earlier." There's silence, and the door opens slightly, just so that Dean can see Lisa's eyes through the cracks.

"Aren't you going to apologize ?" she whispered, her face barely showing. He doesn't say anything for a bit and her eyes start glistening. And god, he's such a sucker for tears.

"Yeah, I-I'm sorry." That's all it takes and suddenly Dean is pushed against the wall, Lisa attacking his lips. He finds himself kissing her back, pushing her back onto the bed. And then he's pushing into her, groaning at the feeling of the tight heat around him. She scratches at his back repeatedly, squeezing her eyes shut. Her warm brown eyes keep flashing to bright blue, and gravelly moans play through his head every time she opens her mouth.

"Dean, right there." she moaned, her eyelashes fluttering. He gripped her hips, imagining defined muscle in the place of soft curves.

"You feel so good, Lis. So good." His thrusts became more erratic as he drew closer to his climax, and then everything went white.

*

Dean lay beside Lisa, their hands intertwined as they basked in the blissful post-orgasmic haze. "Lisa, I just want you to know that I'm actually sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, angel." he said softly, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand.

"Thanks, Dean. You've never called me angel before, where'd you get that ?" she asked, glancing at him curiously.

"Um ..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Ben coming out thing was just because i like to live vicariously through my characters (i wish that my parents reacted the way dean did lol)
> 
> thanks for reading, comments and kudos appreciated ! <3


	17. part 2, chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where the plot starts to develop and become dramatic and shit >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoyyy !

"Lis, there's only so many sets one can buy ..." Dean complained, leaning tiredly against a nearby rack. She simply rolled her eyes and continued onto the next rack. His weight caused the display to tip over, earning him the stink eye from the person that seemed to be the only worker at the store. He apologized and aided in helping her pick up the various bras, panties, and garter belts that fell. He hears a snicker from outside, and _of course_ Cas is there with his daughter. And she's also there with Krissy, Ben, and who Dean presumes is Nathan. He blushes because _he's kneeling on the floor frantically picking up lingerie_.

"Well hello to you too, Winchester." Cas greeted, still smirking smugly at Dean. He also takes no shame in checking out Dean's ass from where he's standing, causing Dean to scramble from his position to attempt to straighten himself up.

"Cas, I didn't- I wasn't- hey." he said, awkwardly waving. "Um, what're you doing here ?"

"I was just chaperoning Clary, Krissy, and Nathan. But I ran into Ben and we've just kind of hung around." Cas replied, eyeing Lisa who was still absorbed in the neon satin about 25 feet away. "What're you up to ?"

"Just hanging out with Lisa and buying lingerie and shit. She wants me to tell her what I think of it. Y'know, comes with having a girlfriend."

"Would you tell me how I look if _I_ wore lingerie for you ?" Cas asked, making Dean blush and think things he should _not_ be thinking about his teammate when he's shopping with his girlfriend. And for the first time in forever, Dean is glad that Lisa walks over. Cas turned towards her. "Hey Lisa."

"Hey Cas, still taking it up the ass ?" she sneered. They glared at each other for a few moments. Dean nudged her side.

"Well, what brings you here ?" Lisa asked, obviously displeased that she had to pretend to be interested in Cas' life.

"I was just accompanying Clary, Krissy, and Nathan. We met Ben along the way."

"Ben, I thought I told you that I didn't want you hanging out with Claire." Lisa scolded, but Ben was too absorbed talking to his boyfriend a few feet away. Dean hoped for the sake of Ben (and Nathan) that Lisa wouldn't tell that they were dating, even though he could. There was nothing stereotypically "gay" about Nathan, he looked like an ordinary fourteen year old. But Dean knew better, the way that they looked at each other. The way that he assumed he looks at Lisa, how he he used to look at Cas ...

"Are they holding hands ?" Lisa whispered, glancing over at the couple. And of course, Dean had missed the most obvious fact. Their hands were blocked by Cas from Dean's view, but Lisa had a front row seat. She marched over, ripping them apart and yelling at Ben.

"Lisa, stop, you're causing a scene." Dean murmured, smiling nervously at the passing strangers that probably wondered why a college age girl was yelling at an eight grader.

"No, _he's_  the one causing a scene, parading around with his disgusting boyfriend." Lisa snarled, practically snapping at them.

"Lisa, open your fucking eyes." Suddenly, he was so angry. Because this was exactly how it was for him five years ago. "No one minded that they were holding hands and shit. You're the one that's causing a scene, screaming at them for young love ? Grow the fuck up, Lis." It goes quiet all around them, various people staring and recording the scene. It's awkwardly silent for a few more moments, until Cas broke it.

"Don't curse Dean, we're in a public place and there are impressionable ears." he said, smiling crookedly at him.

*

"Ben, are you OK ?" Dean asked, glancing concernedly at him as they walked through the parking lot towards the car. He could feel Cas' gaze on him as he trailed behind with Nathan, Clary, and Krissy.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But what about mom ? You left her at the mall."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Considering the way she treated you, I'm fine with it. And plus, it's not like I left her. She's the one that decided to stand there and sulk." Ben was silent for a moment.

"Why does she hate me ?"

Dean was taken aback by the question. "She doesn't hate you. I think she's just ... surprised. Not that it gives her an excuse to treat you the way she did," he paused to think. "She was raised in a religious family, and ... I think it just shocked her. I mean, she didn't really see it coming, you know ?" Ben nodded idly in response.

"How's Ben taking it ?" Cas looked up at him with worried eyes.

"Why do you want to know ?" Dean snapped, whirling around.

"Damn, sorry for trying to be a considerate human being." Cas grumbled, furrowing his brow.

"Sorry ... It's just that I have a lot on my mind. I'm just really stressed, I can feel my relationship with Lisa's becoming more and more strained each day. And I'm worried for Ben, I don't want him to have to go through the whole homophobic parent thing like I did." he explained, dragging his hand down his face.

"I can help with that. The stress relief, I mean." Cas wiggled his brows suggestively, cracking up at the expression on Dean's face. "Just kidding, loosen up. We can go out with the kids to the beach or some shit. I was going to hang out with Jo and Char, they won't mind."

"You're still friends with Charlie ?" Dean was surprised at the commitment that Cas had obviously put into staying connected with his high school friends.

"Yeah, we talk pretty often. So, you in or not ? It'll cheer you up, I promise."

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah, we'll just have to stop at my apartment to get my stuff."

*

Luckily, the beach was warm and sunny. The kids immediately ran into the water, splashing at each other and tumbling into the waves; Jo and Charlie following them. Cas shook his head in mock distaste and scoffed. "Teenagers."

"Hey, we were like that once." Dean searched the cooler, grabbing a beer and popping it open.

"Yeah, young and wild and free." Cas smiled at the kids, admiring their care free attitudes.

"So, how've you been ?" Dean awkwardly asked, squinting over at Cas in the high noon sun.

"Do you really care ?" Cas reached into the bag he'd brought, taking out a bottle of sunscreen.

"I just wanted to know."

"Well, I've been high and low, just life. To hell and back, but hey, I'm here." Dean didn't push it any further. "Let's watch a movie." he suddenly blurted, reaching into the bag again, this time pulling out _The Little Mermaid_.

*

Cas sang along to the movie, laughing at the scene and the various sea creatures dancing around; and for a moment, Dean could catch a glimpse of the Cas he lov- liked best. The Lawrence Cas. Cas caught him staring and stopped singing, looking slightly embarrassed that his badass bravado had slipped.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's cute. Where'd you learn the songs, do you watch this all the time ?"

"No, Anna and I used to watch it with Clary all the time when she was younger."

"Who's Anna ?" Cas hadn't mentioned an Anna before.

"She used to be Clary's mother." Cas mentioned, not explaining his use of the past tense. They went back to watching the movie when a familiar figure about one hundred feet away caught Dean's attention. About an hour after they'd arrived, the couple next to them had set up their spot. "What're you staring at ?"

"Shhh ... I think I know that girl." Dean whispered. He knew that girl, but from where ? The umbrella was covering her face, and her bathing suit didn't seem to be extraordinary. But there was something about her. He motioned for Cas to be quiet so he could try to listen to the conversation taking place.

"It's just that, he's being a dick. Why can't he just understand that I'm right ?" Dean nearly keeled over right then and there. "Ben is my son, I should be able to raise him the way I want to, you know ?"

"I know babe, but let's just forget for now, OK ? Right now, we're far away from that bastard and all your other problems." the person with her replied, kissing her sweetly. And holy mother of fucking God, it was Alastair. He'd know that snobby accent anywhere. He turned to see Cas watching the couple with his mouth hinged open, and Dean laughed. Because he realized, he didn't care. He knew their relationship wasn't really built on anything except (mediocre) sex and the fact that they both needed a place but couldn't afford it on their own. The only thing he was concerned about was Ben. If he left, who would fend for him ? He'd figure it out. But right now, he was acting on impulse. Classic Winchester style. When he marched over to them, they were caught up in a make out session. He kicked sand into their faces to get their attention, still laughing uncontrollably.

"How perfect is this Lis ?" he asked, taking her by surprise. She paled, attempting to scramble away from Alastair.

"W-what ? Dean, what're you doing here ?"

"Same thing you're doing. Sex on the beach." He looked back to where Cas was sitting, and he waved in reply, smiling widely at them. "I've been looking for a way out of this, and you just gave me one. Thanks for that, you always know how to make things easier for me." He walked away, not before turning and adding, "I expect you to be out by Thursday. But make sure Ben visits every weekend !"

He collapses onto his towel, shaking and startling Cas out of his movie-induced trance. "Dean, are you crying ?" He pushed Dean's shoulder lightly in an attempt to get him to turn over. Dean was in fact crying, tears rolling down his face as he shook ... with laughter.

"Did you see her face ? 'Dean, what're you doing here ?'" he mimicked, his voice taking on a high falsetto. Cas felt a giggle bubble up in his chest, and soon they were both rolling in the sand with laughter. Dean's laughter calmed down and Cas righted himself to look him in the eye. They stared at each other for a moment, before Cas' face broke out into another smile.

"Told you going to the beach would cheer you up."

*

Jo and Charlie flopped onto the sand, dripping wet from the sea water. "Damn, I'm beat." Charlie muttered, throwing her arm dramatically across her face. "Those kids have endless energy."

"Tell me about it." Dean and Cas both said at the same time, looking at each other and smiling.

"I feel like I could sleep for days." Cas rolled his eyes and opened the cooler, distributing watermelon slices. "So what's been up with you, Dean-o ? I haven't seen you since the glorious days of '12." Charlie asked, taking a bite out of her fruit.

"Nothing much."

Jo rolled her eyes in response. "Nothing much ?" she scoffed. "You had a kid. With  _Lisa_. You guys got back together ?"

"We were back together. She was cheating on me, we just broke up." Dean smiled, as if everything in his life had finally fallen into place. Jo raised her eyebrows.

"You look pretty happy about that."

"I am. It was going downhill anyway. But enough about me, what about you two ?"

They spent the rest of the evening talking about Charlie's comic book shop ("It's barely a closet, but it's beautiful"), Castiel's crazy party adventures ("and then, guess what ? he actually jumped off the roof"), and generally catching up. Just as the sun began to set and the water turned cold, they packed up to leave.

"I'll see you soon guys. I had a great time. But make sure to make it to your hotel safe, OK ? And Jo, tell Ellen hi for me please." Cas hugged them both tight. Jo had chosen to go to school in Kansas in order to stay close to home (and Charlie). She saluted him.

"Will do, Cas. Now you two get on your way, it's going to get dark soon. Maybe we can meet up for breakfast or something in the morning if Charlie can get her ass out of bed more than five minutes before our flight," Jo joked.

"Hey, I just like my beauty sleep." Charlie whined, slapping Jo lightly on the arm.

"You need it too." Dean retorted, dodging her punch that was aimed for his shoulder.

They all cracked up. And for a moment, Dean forgot that Lisa was moving out in two days and he might never see Ben again. Because for a moment, it felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, comments and kudos appreciated ! i *promise* to have the next chapter up by monday, and i'll have the part one and part two playlists uploaded to soundcloud and/or 8tracks by then too. stay safe and stay lovely ! <3


	18. part 2, chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to start clearing up the story line in the next chapter or so since it's been pointed out that the ages of claire and ben aren't making any sense. there's also some *mystery* about why cas transferred to miami, which will be explained about three chapters from now. enjoy !

Dean hesitated, his finger hovering over the call button. What if Cas would think that it was weird ? But he was lonely ... he hadn't seen Ben or Lisa in almost a week, and football practice was cancelled because Coach was sick. So he hadn't done anything more than go to classes, and come back. And last week, he had a lot of fun. Should he call him ? Should he not ? Before he knew what he was doing, Dean was calling Cas. What if he doesn't- "Hey, Dean, what's up ?"

"Nothing much, I'm just bored. It's been really quiet since Lisa and Ben moved out, you know ?" Cas hummed in response, and Dean heard some faint sizzling in the background. "And I was just ... um, checking on you ?"

"You were wondering if you could come hang out, right ? No use beating around the bush Dean, I know you like the back of my hand. We were best friends for eleven years, remember ?"

Dean scoffed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Of course I remember, that's like, half of my life."

"Hm, still not good at math. Anyway, you can come over for late lunch, I'm almost done making it. And there's a baseball game on soon, so we can watch that. Sound good ?" he asked, and there was more sizzling.

"Uh, yeah. Sounds good." Dean replied.

"Great. I'll text you my address."

*

When Dean arrived at Cas' house, he was greeted by a short brunette with bright brown eyes. "Hey Dean-o ! Long, long time no see." he greeted, stepping aside to let him into the house. Dean looked to Cas in confusion, but his back was turned and he was setting plates onto the table. Cas' place was a modest flat in a suburban area, but he'd definitely found a way to make it his own. Various records and framed concert t-shirts littered the walls, along with a wall with two guitars hung on it and space for an extra. Someone upstairs was playing it, sending riffs throughout the house. Dean recognized the song as 'All Out Of Love' by Air Supply.

"Gabriel ? Is Dean here yet ?" Cas peeked into the kitchen where they were standing, smiling when he saw Dean. "Has Gabriel terrorized you with his inappropriate jokes yet ? If so, I'm sorry on his behalf."

"I'm not that uncouth." Gabriel whined, though Cas paid him no attention. He headed into the dining room, carrying the food with him. There was a crash and a loud screech from upstairs and Cas sighed, dropping the fork in his hand onto the table.

"Claire Megan Katianna Milton Novak," he began, and Dean was shocked at his calm yet loud tone. Lisa would've already been screaming at Ben. "I swear to God, you'd better not have dropped Josie." A sheepish looking Claire crept down the stairs.

"I swear I didn't drop her, it was the amp. There's not even a scratch." she promised, holding out a smooth, chrome black guitar (?) as proof. Cas eyed her suspiciously and took the guitar in his hands, examining it and tracing his hand over the silver writing on the front.

"You named your guitar Josie ?" Dean asked. Cas ignored him.

"Can you put her back ? I don't want you to ruin her." Claire rolled her eyes.

"Cas, you haven't used Josie since you got her signed. You can't just keep a guitar for display."

"I have for eight years, and will continue to." he said, moving to put it back on the rack on the wall. "And yes Dean, I name all my guitars after songs by the people that have signed it or the people themselves. That one-" he pointed to a shiny black one that had bright blue paint dripping down the body "- is Marilyn, after Marilyn Manson. He signed it last year I think ? I went to a concert with Clary. And that one over there-" it was a shiny deep red "is Ozzy, after Ozzy Osbourne. My mom got that one signed forever ago and gave it to me. And Josie is named after the Blink song, I also got that one from my mom. The other one though."

Claire sulked and pouted, obviously waiting for Cas to give her the guitar back. "Can you at least help me practice the solo in the middle ? I gotta know it by Monday." Cas sighed again and took it down, his fingers moving effortlessly over the strings.

"Why do you need to know it by Monday ? It's such an old song." Dean commented, confused.

"I know, but it's Krissy's favorite. I want to play it for her." Claire explained, not looking away from the guitar and pointedly not making eye contact with her father.

"Care to tell Dean why you need to play this for her ?" he prompted, his fingers starting the solo again. She shook her head, hesitated, then spoke in a rush.

"Krissy heard from Cathy who heard from Nathan who heard from Amanda who heard from Leslie who saw me making out with Ashley in the girl's locker room. And now she's mad."

"Oh." Was all he could say.

"Guys, get your asses in here. I'm starving and this shit looks great." Gabriel yelled from the dining room.

"Gabriel, watch your fucking language. I have a goddamn fourteen year old." Cas yelled back, making Dean laugh in amusement. "All right Clary. You can use Josie as long as you don't drop her, or I swear I will ground you until kingdom come." She muttered her thanks, rushing back up the stairs to practice. Cas went into the dining room to join Gabriel, Dean following him.

"Finally, we can start eating." Gabriel sighed, digging into his sandwich. "You make the best fake chicken parm sandwiches, Cas." he complimented, mumbling through a mouthful of food.

"Stop speaking with your mouth open." Cas wrinkled his nose in disgust, passing the salad and sandwiches over to Dean. They ate in silence for a few moments before Dean couldn't help but ask, "So are you guys dating or fucking or whatever Cas does these days ?"

There was an immediate reaction as Cas began choking on his food and Gabriel's fell back onto his plate when he laughed so hard he cried. "Oh God, gross. I think I'm going to throw up." Cas complained, faux gagging. "Gabe's my older brother, remember him ? He's eight years older than me and he was in boarding school his whole academic career because of his behavior; that's probably why you don't remember him. Please don't _ever_ suggest that again."

Now that Cas mentioned it, he does vaguely remember a brother. In all eleven years of their friendship, he hadn't noticed that the said brother was missing. Probably because he was never there. Gabriel interrupted his thoughts. "So, are you one of Cas' main squeezes then ? He doesn't invite many over, you know. It's only you, Jo, Charlie, and when they can make it, Meg and Ruby."

Cas rolled his eyes. "No, he's not. And there's also Benny and when we were together, Andy and others that I forget the names of." he added.

There was more silence. "What did Gabe mean that the chicken is fake ?"

"I'm a vegetarian, so I make tofu chicken. You can't even tell the difference." he stated. He was obviously proud of his cooking skills, and rightly so. This was the best cooking Dean had had since leaving home (Lisa was shit in the kitchen). After they were finished, Cas brought their plates to the kitchen and brought back beers, turning on the TV. The game had already started, but it was only about five minutes in. Another five minutes later, Gabe turned to them both, looking prepared to ask a question. "Gabriel, don't start." Cas answered, not even turning around.

"How do you know what I'm going to ask ?" he pouted.

"Because every time you come over, you're complaining about that Sam guy that you're hung up on. I think you should just give up by now, it's been about four or five months."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "But he's gorgeous. With the most beautiful hazel eyes, and his hair is chestnut and great to pull on, not to mention below the belt he's-"

"That's more than enough of what I need and want to know. What's his last name though ? Maybe I know him and can bribe him into finally taking you out, so you can stop bugging me."

"Winchester. Isn't that a beautiful name ? Gabriel Winchester sure has a nice ring to it too."

Damn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading ! comments and kudos appreciated ! stay safe and stay lovely
> 
> (soundcloud and 8tracks are being such little shits, no playlist. i'll make it on youtube, i promise it'll be up by tomorrow)
> 
> (edit- here it is, i feel so 2010: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMXOmTZpZ5_1quZz9RsXUxrm_uOvtoJK2)


	19. part 2, chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. i know that i wrote a few chapters back that dean and cas graduated high school in '12, but i'm changing it so that it's currently 2012. just to avoid confusion

"What the fuck ?"

At the same time, Cas uttered, "Damn, coincidences."

Dean fumbled to wrestle his phone from his pocket, vaguely excused himself and walked out onto the front doorstep. "S-siri, c-call Sam."

"'Lo ?" Sam's voice was groggy from sleep, but it was four in the afternoon. And _Dean_ was the lazy brother.

"Sam, I know we haven't talked in a while, but I just have a quick question." They went to the same college, how could he not have talked to Sam in months ? "Um, how've you been the past few months ?"

"Dean, what an opportune time for you to call. What do you need ?" Sam responded sarcastically, and Dean can practically feel the bitch face through the phone.

"Look Sammy, I know that I haven't really kept tabs with you in a while. I just wanted to- just wanted to check in, y'know ? Just wondering about your general wellbeing. Especially since it's your freshman year and I still haven't really helped you adjust and I've just been a shitty big brother, I know. I'm sorry." Sam didn't reply for a moment. Dean sighed, there was nothing he could do. He'd reached out, that was enough. He'd tried. He just wanted to save Sammy from what he'd gone through, from-

"Sure, why don't we meet for coffee or something ? I'm not saying that it makes up for everything, 'cause it doesn't. We haven't talked in almost a year, Dean. But I'm glad that you called, I've been needing to talk to you about something important." he confessed.

"Yeah, y'do." Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Excuse me ?"

"Um, I said, 'Will do'. In fact, why don't we set up a cafe meetup right now ? For later this week." Dean stuttered.

"No, you said, 'yeah, y'do'. What do you mean, what do you know ?" Sam repeated, searching for an answer. Dean knew he was nervous, he could hear it. He wasn't going to put Sam through this now, he was going to do it properly. In person.

"Sam, we'll talk about this tomorrow. OK ?"

"Yeah, whatever." he grumbled.

"Good. Love you Sammy."

"Love you too, Dean."

*

It's been only three days since Dean had called Sam. And three minutes until he had to meet him. He nervously tapped his fingers on the table, his fingers settling into the rhythm of 'Highway to Hell'. Just as he was about to bail, Sam came walking in. They made eye contact and Dean froze for a moment, tears coming to his eyes. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed his brother. They must've hugged for about five minutes straight, feeling home in each other. "Hey." Sam said after a while, smiling awkwardly.

"Hay is for horses. Let's get down to business." Dean scoffed, and Sam frowned at his bluntness. "Well, we came here to talk about something, correct ? It's like ripping off a bandaid, getting right to it."

Sam nodded, obviously surprised that Dean was going to stay on task and talk about whatever they came to talk about. "So, you know something ... What is it ?"

"Does the name Gabriel Novak sound familiar to you ?" he asked, and Sam nearly dropped the cup of tea he was holding. "I'm sorry that wasn't- I didn't mean for it to come out so harshly. I'm just kinda hurt that you didn't tell me." Sam raised his eyebrows, because Dean was the one that was hurt because of a hidden secret ?

"Excuse me ? What about you and Cas ? You hid that from me- from everyone, for months. You didn't care to mention it at all."

"Sam-"

"-No, Dean. I know that this really isn't about you, I get it. But I just want to say, you never reached out to me. It's not like we were talking or even keeping any contact and I just decided not to tell you that I was hooking up with this guy, because unless we were, it was really none of your business."

"I'm sorry that I haven't offered to even show you around campus for freshman orientation or whatever shit white picket fence brothers do. But I'm trying now, 'cause we gotta start somewhere, right ?" It was silent.

"Yeah, I guess so. But I'd prefer we not talk about Gabriel." Sam responded, toying with the tag on his tea bag.

"C'mon Sam, everyone has their ... Cas, I guess I could say. Their one exception." Dean pleaded.

"First of all, I don't really think that it's fair to you or to Cas to call what you had with him an 'exception'. There was obviously something more between you two. And secondly, there's been ... more than one. It's not just Gabriel." he muttered, refusing to make eye contact with Dean.

"Wait, when ? What happened to you and Jess staying together through college and getting married and having two point five kids ?" Dean asked.

"Dean, you and I both know that's not possible. It didn't work out for you and Cas. And she was just ... not for me, y'know ? I know for sure that I felt something for her, but I don't think it was necessarily romantic. We both agreed on that, we broke up a little before graduation."

Dean fell silent, trying to absorb all the information. "So, what do you mean it wasn't just Gabe ?" he asked slowly, the pieces still not fitting together in his head.

"There were more guys that I slept with ... And more people that weren't quite ... guys or girls either. I think I'm ... pansexual."

"Um ... what ?"

"Dean, it's 2012. Get yourself educated, please. It basically means I'm attracted to all genders." Sam explained, rolling his eyes.

"But ... there's only two." (A/N: Dean's ignorance doesn't reflect me and my knowledge, just a PSA)

Sam rolled his eyes and pulled a bitch face (#29: I can't believe you just said that, you imbecile). "Dean, that's insulting to the whole LGBTQA+ community." he huffed.

"What the fuck is the LZDTQA community ?" Dean snorted, clearly confused and slightly peeved. "I don't understand. When I was in high school, there were three: straight, gay, and bi. And there were two types of people: boy and girl. What the hell happened ?"

"Wow, you're starting to sound like Dad." Sam joked. Dean nearly leaped over the table, gripping his collar and bringing their faces close together.

"Don't ever. Say that again. Ever." he growled, face red. Sam's eyes widened, and he coughed uncomfortably when Dean let him go.

"Ok, touchy subject. You have Dad, I have Gabe. But how did you find out anyway ?"

"Um ... rumors on the street." Dean's statement came out more like a question, and between his higher pitched voice and his refusal to make eye contact; Sam could tell he was lying.

"Just tell me who told you. Was it Lisa ? I haven't seen her in a while by the way, you should bring her over sometime." Sam suggested, taking another sip of his tea.

"We actually, uh, we broke up."

"What ? Why ?"

"She was cheating, and she was just kind of a drag. Our relationship was a burden anyway." Dean looked highly uncomfortable at this point, and Sam, being the little brother, relished in finally not being the one on the hot seat.

"Who told you ? You obviously like the person that told you, you're blushing."

"I don't like Cas." Dean scoffed, then he realized his mistake. "But it's not like I was at Cas' house or anything. Not like his brother was there going on and on about you or anything." Dean stuttered.

Sam glanced skeptically at him, clearly ready to push the matter further; but his beeping watch interrupted him. "I gotta go, I have classes in less than an hour."  He stood, throwing out his tea cup. Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Who the hell takes a class on a Saturday at noon ?" he asked, looking slightly disgusted.

"A law major. See you 'round Dean, we should talk more."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll text you though."

*

"Hey Cas ? I have a question for you. It's kinda weird. Are you busy ?"

"Nah, just tuning Ozzy. But don't worry, weird is my specialty." he answered.

"What's the LGBTQA community ?" he asked, stumbling slightly over the words.

"The LGBTQA community is the group of people that are nkt straight basically. It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, asexual. Why, you finally let go of your flip phone and discovered the internet ?" He could hear Cas try a few chords before sighing in frustration and adjusting the strings again.

"No, my brother brought it up. He said he's pansexual, attracted to all genders. Can you like ... explain ?" he asked, feeling embarrassed at his lack of knowledge.

"It's kinda simple. Some people are boys, some are girls, some are born in the wrong body. And there's also some people that are a bit of both, or don't feel like they have a gender. And other people like me that are boys but dress a little femininely, or visa versa. It all depends on the person, though all identities are valid. Does that make a little more sense ?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's just kind of overwhelming. But what do you mean ? You've never worn any dresses or skirts or anything."

"Sometimes I enjoy wearing lingerie." Cas stated, as if he'd informed Dean that rain was made of water. Dean choked on air, mind gone blank of everything but the fact that Cas wore lingerie. "What straight boy, did that not compute ?" Cas was obviously smirking on the other side.

"No, it just. Um ..." Cas strummed a wrong-sounding E minor. "I don't know."

"It turns you on ?" An A major that was too sharp, followed by a B# major that hurt his ears. "It's ok Dean, you don't have to admit that you're a repressed bisexual."

"'M not repressed. I'm just ... taking my time." Dean defended, though it sounded ridiculous to even his own ears. "What are you so sure of anyway ? I could be straight, for all you know. I probably am. No, I am for sure."

"Yeah, and Louis Tomlinson tops. Anyway, I have to get Claire from the bus. Catch you later, straight boy." Cas commented.

"What does that mean ?" An off-tune F minor and a muffled curse, and he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, comments and kudos appreciated !
> 
> stay safe and stay lovely <3


	20. part 2, chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in two weeks :/ oops

**cas**  can you watch claire today ? i'm meeting up with meg and i won't be there to pick her up from school

 **straight boy** you trust me so much already cas ?

 **cas**  lol no i just have no one around here that i know

 **cas** and gabriel's busy banging your brother so

 **cas** i'll give you fifty bucks for it

 **straight boy** i didn't need to know that

 **cas**  neither did i, he just called to cancel

 **cas**  in the middle of

 **cas**  i'm scarred for life

 **straight boy** alright i'll do it

 **cas**  wait

 **cas**  i need to do a background check, you've never watched claire before

 **cas** do you have a history of child molestation ?

 **straight boy** no

 **cas**  will you drink around her ?

 **straight boy** no

 **cas** will you invite anyone over ?

 **straight boy** no

 **cas**  see you at around two then. thx :)

 **straight boy** k.

*

When Dean opened the door, Claire was surprisingly already there, apparently arguing with Cas. Cas motioned for him to come in. "Claire, I'm sorry but you can't have anyone over, especially not Krissy." Cas repeated, sighing as Claire begged yet again for her to 'please, please, _please_ ', have her girlfriend over.

"Dean, please make sure she doesn't invite anyone over, ok ? And Claire, that's final."

"But that's unfair ! Please Cas, Grandma let you have Dean over when she wasn't home."

"That's different, because she trusted me."

"You're saying you don't trust me ?" she countered, folding her arms over her chest.

"No, I don't trust your teenage hormones. Now can you please let it go ?"

"So you're saying that when Dean came over and Grandma wasn't here, you guys never did anything  ?"

Both Cas and Dean blushed vividly as their eyes met over Claire's head. "That's not an appropriate topic of conversation at the moment, and you know it. Now be good for Dean, and no phone after 10:30. Ok ?"

"Alright." she grumbled, trudging into the living room and turning on the TV.

"I'll see you later Dean, thanks. The fifty bucks are on the table-" Dean saw Claire's face peek out from the corner behind Cas' back. "-Claire, don't even think about taking it; and I ordered in pizza for later. You still like bacon and pineapple, right ?" Dean hummed, surprised that after all the years, Cas had remembered. "It's all set then." He took Dean's face in his hands, and for a fleeting moment, Dean almost wished that he would kiss him goodbye. His face set into a stone, deadly expression. "Don't let anything happen to her, or I swear to every deity out there I will castrate you with a branding iron. Got it ?" Dean's eyes widened at the threat and he nodded quickly. "Well, get to it then. Claire's not allowed to watch anything higher than PG-13 or TV-14, and that's final." he said, loud enough for her to hear from the living room. "Have fun though, make sure she's in bed by 11. Thanks so much for doing it on such short notice, I really appreciate it. Bye Clary, I love you." She called back, and then Cas was gone.

As soon as the door was shut behind him, Claire opened her mouth to speak. "So, did you ?" she asked, flicking through the channels.

"Did I what ?"

"Did you do anything with Cas ? Like, when his moms weren't home ?"

Dean blushed harder than before. This was going to be a long night.

*

"So how was she ?" Cas crept into the living room as to not wake a sleeping Claire. The TV was still on, tinny voices streaming from the speakers.

"She was good, she wasn't that much of a hassle."

"Thanks again, for watching her even on such short notice. I really appreciate it," Cas smiled warmly at Claire, before carrying her upstairs to her bedroom. Dean stayed in his place, feeling that it would be impolite to leave without saying goodbye or officially being ushered out. He looked up at the various polaroids littering the walls above him. In one particular picture, Cas was smiling down at a younger Claire, his arms around a bright-eyed, redheaded young woman. The photos seemed to be organized in chronological order, as Claire grew older and older in the photos and the other girl appeared less and less. In some of the photos, he was joined by a mysterious man, who's face was scribbled out in every photo. "What're you up to ?" Cas asked, making him jump for what seemed like the hundredth time. Cas smiled at Dean's startled expression.

"J-just looking around. You have a nice little family there," Dean commented, pointing up at the particular photo in which Cas was with Claire and the mystery couple. Cas' smile faltered a bit at the picture, and his eyes momentarily clouded with hurt and guilt and another thing that Dean couldn't quite decipher. "Sorry if that was a sore spot, I just was wondering, because I've never met her, and-"

"Her name's Anna, the one I mentioned before. She's Claire's mother, and he-" a finger on the covered face, "-is her father. Anna's dead and Andy's in jail; so I took Claire in as my own when she was about eight."

"That's ... I'm sorry." Dean whispered.

"Nah, I'm kinda over it. And it was better for Claire that way anyway, Anna is- was kind of a druggie, and she didn't deserve to grow up in that kind of environment. Even if I had to get clean cold turkey to take care of her." Cas looked away, afraid to see the pity in Dean's eyes. But when he did look up, Dean was smiling. "What, do you think that it's funny ?"

"No, I think it's great." Cas tilted his head in confusion, squinting his eyes. "That you took it upon yourself to take care of her, you quit just for her. That's amazing." Cas blushed, smiling up at him.

"Thanks Dean, it means a lot." They stared at each other for a few moments, just blushing and smiling at each other. "Well it's getting late, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." Cas stared at Dean's lips, biting his own before smiling softly up at Dean again.

"Bye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, kudos and comments appreciated ! <3 i promise that i'll be updating more often; you can also follow me on wattpad at ellethebelle and on tumblr at mychemicalpityparty


End file.
